The problem with grief is that it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't have a linear progression. It's like riding a roller coaster blindfolded. (Ever been to Space Mountain? Damn thing made me throw up.) And roller coasters have that safety bar across your lap that feels like it's not working at all, and you're always on the verge of falling out. But it IS helping, because it gives you something to cling to. Keep hanging tight to the safety bar (your mom, your cats, television, this blog, a counselor, your heartbeat) until the ride evens out. It will. I promise.
You are not suffering only grief. You are also suffering from "Post Traumatic Stress". You have been holding on so strongly for Wash these past few years, keeping your own feelings on hold. It is crushing when it all comes to the surface.
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I'm a 26 year old former Caregiver. This is my voice to talk about my life- mostly about learning to live now. My husband was diagnosed in November 2009 with Glioblastoma Multiforme- terminal brain cancer. He was only 25 and I had literally just turned 23. He fought hard for almost 3 years before he passed away September 2012, just a month after turning 28.
This was my blog about our life.
This is still my space to find Hope.
This is now my public battle to show what life is like as a 25 year old Widow.
Is there a counselor or somebody you can talk to? Maybe someone from hospice? You are so young to be going through this, I wish I could help.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with grief is that it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't have a linear progression. It's like riding a roller coaster blindfolded. (Ever been to Space Mountain? Damn thing made me throw up.) And roller coasters have that safety bar across your lap that feels like it's not working at all, and you're always on the verge of falling out. But it IS helping, because it gives you something to cling to. Keep hanging tight to the safety bar (your mom, your cats, television, this blog, a counselor, your heartbeat) until the ride evens out. It will. I promise.
ReplyDelete<3 hugs and love from Tucson.
ReplyDeleteYou are not suffering only grief. You are also suffering from "Post Traumatic Stress". You have been holding on so strongly for Wash these past few years, keeping your own feelings on hold. It is crushing when it all comes to the surface.
ReplyDeleteSending a prayer for peace.
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ReplyDelete