Friday, January 10, 2014

Zofran O'Clock

I have been ill with the norovirus this week.
I ended up being hospitalized overnight due to dehydration complications.

I made it all the way through 2013 with no hospital visits, and not even 1 week into the new year.

I think the last time I felt this physically awful was when my gallbladder melted inside me back in 2010.
Except this time I don't have Wash to comfort or help me.

Aelphie has been by my side pretty much constantly. Leto will come and sit at my feet while I am throwing up my guts.
That helps a little. I think they can tell/sense/smell I am not feeling well.

I hate missing work. I hate feeling like I am letting down my team.

I hate how alone being very ill makes me feel.
Being in that hospital bed, in that room all alone... it is scary. The meds they gave me helped, but, I still kept feeling and thinking how just not right it felt to not have Wash there with me. To have him holding my hand or even just to hear a voice that loved me telling me it will be OK.
It's not right. Not fair.

I know this. It is just harder to accept when I am sick and weak and longing to just be held; comforted.

Rationally I know if he were still here there would be issues. I would have to keep him safe and healthy and I likely wouldn't even hold his hand without a glove and mask on.

I still want the comfort of my best friend. 

Every day I miss him. Every day I have things I want to say to him. To share. To do.

I feel miserable.