Friday, October 12, 2012

Feet on the ground

I had dreams last night about the last night Wash was ever conscious and it was pretty horrible.
It was basically re-living it in my dreams.
I could not wake up.

When I did, I spent the first 30 mins or so just sobbing in my bed, I could not even move.

Yesterday, distractions helped.
Today, not so much.

I even got notified that DES won't cancel my health insurance now that Wash is gone, but that is not 'cheering' me up like it should.

It's like his last few hours are burned into my consciousness and it's a record player that won't stop; over and over again I see him, hear him, but just those words.

I don't even know right now, breathing hurts.


  1. You don't know me, but I'm here, I'm listening, I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

  2. When my uncle passed, I would have nightmares for quite a few months. Sometimes before I would go to sleep, I would lay in bed reliving the memories of him before he passed. This will be something that will take time to get through, but know you're not alone. I too sob because it's so difficult having someone you love die of something you have no control over. I'm always thinking of you.

  3. hugs to you...I know how this sucks...someday...a while from now...these last moments with him alive will turn from nightmare to cherished memory. You will see 1st the honor in sharing/helping him through that part of life and 2nd the images you now feel are burned in your head forever...sending you love to get to that place as quickly as is in your highest and best good..I believe you have a lot of light to share with the world...