Sunday, October 7, 2012

Bad Things, Good People

My eyes are so gorram puffy from more than 12 hours of crying today.

It's just been a day of grief. 
I've been sad, missing him, seeing reminders of everything everywhere.

I tried cleaning, walking, gardening, painting, reading, napping... no real luck at any "positive" activities/distractions.

The cats have been good at needing pets and love from me today at least.

I feel empty and hollow.
I miss my best friend, my secret keeper, my partner.
I do feel like I'm half a person right now.

I'm calling the lawyer tomorrow about something which might be an issue, but I think legally won't. I want confirmation from him on this though. 

I'll post pics later when I get copies from the Out Of Town friends who came by this week/end.

It was a nice relief to get out, see friends, get hugs.

My friend, and Wash's, Rose* was one of them who came in, she lives far away so this was her first chance since he passed.

It was nice to catch up a little with her, and just have those moments to remember him, to laugh, to cry.

I was ok to be whatever I needed around her. 

Then, she left.

It's a hard adjustment.

The house, the emptiness. 

Going to a routine seems harder than breathing at this point.

I am just aimless. 


  1. Well, that will either post twice, or I lost a comment! I'm so sorry. Sending you a big hug, but I know it doesn't help. Sometimes the best you can do is get through the next 5 minutes without going crazy, sometimes you go crazy anyway. My heart goes out to you - try to hold on to the tiny good things. Like the kitties. :-)

  2. Sweetie. Don't worry about distracting yourself. Trust me, it won't work. When I lost Nathan, it didn't matter if I was at home, or on the beach in Cancun (which I did twice that year) Nothing worked. I still miss him as deeply and as strongly as ever. Even things as simple as a smell or sound remind me of him still (19 months tomorrow) Just breathe. Drink plenty of water even if you don't feel like eating. I'm glad your kitties snuggle. My dogs are jerks...they still won't snuggle...bastards.
    Anway, don't be too hard on yourself. It's barely been a while month. Honestly, I don't think I was even functioning for a good 6months. Sending you all the love I can, because unlike so mayn, I know what you're going through, I've lived it...Hell, I'm still living it.

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