Monday, August 30, 2010
So we got a donation Paypal account set up with our friend; for legal reasons we cannot have one of our own. Wash will lose his medical insurance again if we do.
We are at Wash's therapy session today and they are talking about how to help him remember his emotions better and they mentioned- "emotions that are strong can help set memory..."
And of course, with PTSD I am aware of this as a concept. I understand it exists.
But I don't understand. My memory does NOT correlate to my emotional standing. Emotions and memories are two very very very distinct things for me. They can be compatible, but for me when I recall things I don't remember feelings with it- not unless I really try. And sometimes I just fake it.
Just one of those days where I feel really different from just about everyone else.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
So, around 10pm ish Wash and I head out (after the storm, wind, and sun have all gone) to the main street of our city (Mill Avenue) to have a little walk and such.
He always whines and complains about moving until I get him outside then it's awesome. Men.
Anyway, we decided to stop in one of the head shops we like to frequent as we like the staff.
Wash and I walk in, and there's no one there but us and the two keepers.
One of whom we've met maybe once before.
He notices us and runs! forwards and grabs Wash in a big hug.
"Hey man! It's GREAT to see you! How are you feeling? Oh, man, I saw you guys in the article a few weeks ago and I was like, hey! I know them! It's so good to see you!"
So he and Wash chatted for a bit, then we left and got ice cream for the walk home.
He was recognized as well from the article at our local Farmer's Market the other day too.
I think it makes him happy.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Honestly the only good thing so far for today is that we have a *tiny* bit of extra birthday cash from Wash so he ordered lunch for us today so I wouldn't have to cook.
I am tired. And angry at people today. Grrr.
But, this cheered me up this morning. Some of my herbs are still alive, three of my bell pepper plants alive, five of the original nine tomato plants, a bunch of green beans, the stevia, some broccoli florets and as presented below;
The watermelon plant is very happy. This is the first big guy. There are more growing.
I've named him Bill Murray-elon.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I will have a bit more of a chance to rest.
So, I pulled off the Surprise party for Wash on Sun with him actually being surprised! Awesome. We had almost a dozen people over, and he was smiling and just so happy throughout the evening and night. We were all dressed up in our 60's/vintage wear and played Bingo, watched Mad Men, and ate Chex Mix.
Great night. He had birthday pie.
We got a gift from a few friends and Wash and I now have a lot of time and oppertunities to go to the movies- all his frat bros gave him "date cards" like to restaurants, movie theatres and such so we could go on dates like... normal people our age.
And then today in the mail we got a card from one of his old friends back in the Bay area; a sweet note and a cheque that will help us cover bills for about a month.
To Wash - and me- a month is a very long time. And to have that chance now to just be able to be a husband/wife for a few weeks... I'm still a bit in shock.
I've been trying so hard lately to be good with Wash, agreeable, and to just stay calm. My emotions over the last two weeks have sometimes felt like they want to take control.
It's been harder to have my internal talks, the way to help soothe my torn psyche. The rational mind that is responsible and never stops, gets everything done... but doesn't feel or connect with Wash. And the Tashi that just hurts to be going through this, the one that just wants to rail and cry and damn the g-ds of a unfair world. But she doesn't really help anyone or anything, just locked away for now, dusty.
The things your grandparents never told you? Love is the most soothing and wonderful feeling- but it comes with the very dark side of loss of that love.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Another clean MRI!!! Yay!
Wash is as happy as he can be, being this tired.
It means there is a good chance he will go maybe another 2-6 months without too much worry of another tumor developing. This is also a good sign he should be able to finish his year of chemo come Dec, the Doc says he looks pretty good physically to take it. The longer he can take chemo the better chance he has of living maybe as many as 2 or 3 more years.
We also met with a super awesome social worker who wants to try and get us some more services, and it's a start. I'm feeling hopeful. He will see his birthday this Friday and there is a chance now he might get one next year.