Wednesday, September 12, 2012

You're not falling, Wash, you're flying...


Kevin Pratt-King "Wash" stepped into his own TARDIS to start his next adventures just before mightnight, 11th September.

He knew how much he was loved, how his story touched so many.

I have lost my husband, best friend, and my Companion.
Thank you, friends & family, Geeks & Whovians for helping me to love this wonderful man.



Now I become The Girl Who Waits my lifetime before I join him.

I can only hope he is already off on a wonderful new adventure that I could only dream of.


Good-bye, my love.

195 comments:

  1. Tashi, I don't 'know' you personally but I feel I know your heart through this blog. I am so proud of you as a human being to have stood by your husband through these hard times and cared for him. I am happy that your last moments with him were in peace and love. I wish you so much happiness and love and opportunity for the future. You have so much beauty and potential and love inside of you and that goes a long way. You have a love that some only dream of in your heart and I know you will have happy days ahead. I understand your loss as cancer has taken those so close to me as well. All the best forever and love.

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    1. This is exactly what I've been wanting to say.

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  2. I'm so so sorry Tashi. Thinking of you x

    If there's anything I can do for you all the way over here in Australia, let me know. Sending hugs and prayers

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  3. Wow. Thinking of you and all the grief you must be feeling.

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  4. So sorry to hear this.
    Your Wash was a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving wife.
    My heart goes out to you x

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  5. I'm so, so sorry for your loss Tashi. I have an enormous admiration for you, how you have been dealing with Wash's sickness for the past years, and for your heartbreaking honesty, which I first encountered in Jezebel's Groupthink, and then later in your blog.
    I hope some day, in the future, you will find a new happiness and purpose in your life.
    For now I want to wish you all the strength to deal with the overwhelming grief you must be going through.

    Thinking of you.

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  6. Thinking of you and sending you so much love your way.
    I'm so sorry.
    Met you in Jez and even though we've never met, I've been so touched by your love and strength.
    Big hugs your way.

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss Tashi. You've been a pillar of strength and comfort during all of this. We've never met in person (I'm a follower since she shared the story initially on Jez), but your story and your love with Wash has been really inspiring to me. I hope I can manage to be half the woman you are.

    Please, please, please let us know if there's anything we can do for you (money, send groceries or supplies, netflix subscriptions, a change of scenery). I think you are a hero and inspiration to everyone who reads this blog.

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  8. Hi Tashi,
    I have been reading your blog for a while and I am sorry I never had the courage to comment before now; I never really knew what to say. I STILL don't know what to say, except that I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope that there is some comfort in the knowledge that Wash is no longer suffering. Your words have had a huge impact on someone living half a world away, and I appreciate that you and Wash shared your story, sad as it ultimately was. I wish you peace, love, comfort, and happiness--you very much deserve them after all you have been through.

    Caitlin

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  9. Sorry for your loss Tashi, Wash sounds like a wonderful man

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  10. You and Kevin have been an inspiration to so many people. I have no words to explain my sorrow for your loss. In this difficult time I hope you can feel the love that is surrounding you, spoken or not, throughout the world.
    Know you are loved-


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  11. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know you personally but I've been reading and commenting for a while and haven't been far from thoughts over the last few months. I'm sorry you had to lose him and I'm sorry that you will be in pain *hugs*

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  12. I am so so sorry for your loss, and wish you all the comfort and peace, and strength in the world.

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  13. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Wishing you peace, sending you love. May your memories comfort you.
    xo

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  14. So very, very, very sorry for your loss, Tashi. Sending you much love and prayers and strength.

    :'-(

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  15. I've been reading your blog for a couple months, and part of me is incredibly saddened by this news, and the other part is hoping that in this sad event that you will find a new, not necessarily "better", but meaningful and worthwhile life after Wash.

    I wish life was fair. If it were, Wash wouldn't have had to go through the awful fight and leave you in the end. But even if life isn't fair, I hope that you find something lovely and true and yours.

    Best wishes,
    Mary Rose

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  16. Oh Tash. My heart is breaking for you.

    I read this poem at my grandmother's funeral a couple of weeks ago. I hope it gives you some small measure of comfort.


    To Those I Love

    If I should ever leave you whom I love
    To go along the silent way,
    Grieve not,
    Nor speak of me with tears,
    But laugh and talk of me
    As if I were beside you there.

    (I'd come - I'd come, could I but find a way!
    But would not tears and grief be barriers?)

    And when you hear a song or
    See a bird I loved,
    Please do not let the thought of me be sad,
    For I am loving you just as I always have.
    You were so good to me!

    There are so many things I wanted still to do,
    So many things to say to you...
    Remember that I did not fear.
    It was just leaving you that was so hard to face.
    We cannot see beyond...
    But this I know:
    I love you so -
    Twas heaven here with you!


    Isla Paschal Richardson (1886-1971)

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  17. Tashi,

    So sorry for your loss. Please remember that you too are starting your own, new journey. While I'm sure you've somewhat lost your sense of self, remember that this is your life to enjoy. Go forward and live it to the fullest extent possible; this is exactly what Wash would want for you. My thoughts are with you.


    Forrest

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  18. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let us know if there is anything you need, we love Wash, and we love YOU. My heart is breaking for you right now, and I know the tears I'm crying don't even begin to compare to the pain you've gone through and the pain that faces you now.

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  19. I am so sorry for your loss, Tashi. {{{HUGS}}}

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  20. I don't really know you, just virtually through your blog, but I'm in tears for you. I wish there was some way to ease your pain. Know that you are surrounded by love. You and Wash were so lucky to have each other, even for such a short time. You are amazingly strong, although it may not feel like it right now. I wish you comfort in this difficult time. Please let us know what we can do you you.

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  21. Thank you for sharing yours and Wash's journey, Tashi. I'm so sorry that he is gone. I hope you find peace, strength and relief from your pain. Please keep your Internet peeps updated as you embark on the next phase.

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  22. I am so sorry for your loss. We made this same journey with my Dad 23 years ago. You impressed me so much with all of your strength and love, you are a role model for all of us that wonder if that kind of love exists in the world at all. My prayers are with you Tashi, but I know you will be ok.

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  23. Tashi--Words cannot explain how sorry I am for your loss. Your love was epic...it will always be epic. Keeping you, and your friends and family, in my thoughts.

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  24. Tashi, I'm so very sorry to hear that Wash passed away. Your (yours and his) courage through this difficult journey has inspired so many people. I hope you can find peace, now that Wash has found his.

    Best wishes

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  25. Please accept my condolences for your loss.

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  26. Oh my god Tashi. I didn't think it was this imminent. I am shocked and sad for you. Shocked.. and so sad. I hadn't commented lately... but I have been reading. It feels too soon. Hugs and Hugs and more hugs- the virtual kind from afar so it doesn't get too much. Hugs and hugs and hugs.

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  27. I'm so sorry to hear that he is gone. He will be missed by so many of us. May his memory be a blessing to you and to all who loved him.

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  28. I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. I hold fast to my faith of what an amazing journey was awaiting him.
    Such a strong woman, I hope and pray that comfort and peace find you as well.
    Bless you Tashi.

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  29. Tashi, I am so very sorry. My thoughts are with you.

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  30. Tashi,

    I wish I could think of the magical words that will make the pain and loss you're feeling go away. I know they don't exist. Wash and you had a love story for the ages, and not even cancer can sully what you guys shared and experienced. I am so glad that his final moments on this Earth were with you and watching a show he loved so dearly.

    Wash is now in peace and no longer in pain, and he leaves behind a legacy as big as his heart.

    All my love,

    Lara

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  31. Our hearts are breaking ~~~~ Jack and I are so, so sorry. 'No more confusion for poor Wash ............ 'no more times of feeling frightened ............ 'no more pain. Only blessed peace and *S.E.R.E.N.I.T.Y.* for ............ your Wash ............ now, Tashi.

    If Wash wanted you to continue writing here; and/or if you yourself want to continue writing here, just know that you have many online friends who will *c.o.n.t.i.n.u.e.* to support you - i.e., as you & Wash EACH now start............ A New Adventure, you know.

    This very poignant poem (directly Below) seems to express ~ so well ~ the "interconnectedness" that All Of Us have felt, and continue to feel, Tashi............ with both you & Wash:


    ****************************************************
    "Even Elephants Mourn A Passing":

    We are all creatures
    of this great earth....
    interconnected in ways
    beyond understanding.

    Take elephants.
    So big.
    So strong.
    And yet,
    when a member
    of the herd passes,
    even elephants mourn.
    They gather around,
    extend their trunks,
    and gently touch
    the tusks
    of their fallen friend.
    It's their ritual.
    It's how they heal.
    And it's sad.
    And it's beautiful.

    So maybe
    what we're trying to say
    is that the world
    doesn't expect you
    to be fine with this.

    BE how you *need* to be.
    MOURN how you *need* to mourn.

    And know that
    you're thought of
    with love.
    ----American Greetings 3996708
    ****************************************

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    1. Rosanna, I have read so many of your comments in the blog and you are always so kind and supportive. And the poem you share is beautiful and reflects an aspect of so many of the people commenting:

      We are all creatures
      of this great earth....
      interconnected in ways
      beyond understanding.

      My sympathies, dear Tashi.

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    2. Thank you, Tom............ ' *s.u.c.h.* a privilege to have known Wash, and to care for both Wash & Tashi "across the miles," as you have done so, so well, too.

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  32. Your dedication to Wash has set an example for all of us. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us know how you are doing.

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  33. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have followed you and Wash through this blog, and I hope you continue to write and keep us posted on your life. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so glad Wash has found his next adventure.

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  34. I'm so sorry Tashi. I wish you peace.

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    1. "When you look up at the sky at night, since I'll be living on one of them, since I'll be laughing on one of them, for you, it'll be as if all the stars are laughing. You'll have stars that can laugh!"
      And when you're consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you'll be glad you've known me. You'll always be my friend. You'll feel like laughing with me. And you'll open your windows sometimes just for the fun of it... And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while you're looking up at the sky. Then you'll tell them, 'Yes, it's the stars. They always make me laugh!"

      ~from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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  35. Tashi,

    I have silently followed your days with Wash, and I am so sad for you. I hope that your good memories eventually brighten enough to dim the grief. My thoughts are with you.

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  36. Swift travels to Wash.

    Peace and hope to you Tashi. <3

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  37. Thank you for being there for your husband and for sharing your journey with us. I hope that you find strength in the time ahead of you.

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  38. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish you comfort and peace, and my thoughts are with you.

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  39. I am so so sorry for your loss.

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  40. Tashi, I'm so sorry. I forget how I came across your blog but I have been faithfully reading along for a couple of years now. You are an inspiration, and Wash was so, so, so lucky to have you. May he rest easy, and may you find peace.

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  41. Love to you; you'll see him again someday, but I know it hurts now and will for a long time. I'm so glad you had so much time together, even if it was nowhere near long enough. Thinking of you.

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  42. Thinking of both of you...Tashi, you are an example of love.

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  43. So, so sorry......peace to you both.

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  44. What a loving, magnificent partner you are. I stand in awe of you. Your Wash could not have asked for a better companion or friend to stand by him. I wish you peace and healing.

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  45. Bless you. Know that you are loved, and that you have support in this difficult time.

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  46. Peace to you, Tashi. And many hugs.

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  47. "Doctor? What about you now? Who've you got?....I mean all those friends of yours..."
    "They've all got someone else....Still, that's fine. I'm fine."
    "I'll watch out for you Sir."
    "You can't ever tell her."
    "No, no....But, every night, Doctor, when it gets dark....and the stars come out. I'll look up, on her behalf....I'll look up at the sky...and think of you."

    I've silently followed your blog for a long time now, and this exchange is all that I can think of. My heart goes out to you.

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  48. Tashi - I'm so sorry for your loss. Though I never met Wash, I am heartbroken at the idea of this world without him in it.

    I first began reading your blog during the golden age of Jezebel, and have carried you and Wash with me every day since. Through every triumph, every setback, your love for and dedication to each other has been so beautiful to see. The Doctor's wife surely was talking about you and Wash when she said people are bigger on the inside.

    Much love to you.

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  49. That's very sad. But the urn is very cool! Lots of love.

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  50. I'm so sorry for your loss. While no words will ever make up for what you have lost. I wish you every happiness and hope for the future, while never forgetting him.Take care.

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  51. As much as it sucks having someone die, what a beautiful way to go--watching your favorite show with your loving spouse as you slip into a deep sleep.
    My heart goes out to you.

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  52. i was directed to your blog via regretsy. i just wanted to send you my heartfelt condolences. i can only hope to one day be as amazing of a wife to my husband as you were to yours.

    sending you well wishes and peace,
    dana lee
    <3

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  53. Tashi, I'm also coming over from Regretsy and I wanted to share my condolences with you. I read back on your blog a few pages and cannot imagine what you have been through and what you'll go through in this next chapter in your life. You're an amazing woman! I think you did an incredible job taking care of Wash. It's wonderful to know that his last moments were peaceful and with you. You two had such a unique and special relationship. I hope you take care of yourself. I'm sure it'll be a radical change, and don't be afraid to ask for help for yourself.

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  54. I cannot tell you how much your whole struggle and your and Wash's story affected me. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said better, and I can't say anything that will help in a real way, so I'll just leave it at how deeply I feel for you after this loss and how relieved I am for you and Wash both that all of the pain has come to an end.
    x

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  55. I am so sorry for your loss. You were so brave and so kind and you gave him everything you could. I hope you are able to find peace.

    Love,
    Mindy

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  56. I am so sorry for your loss. May you be able to find some peace.

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  57. Tashi, you are an inspiration for hope amidst the worst kind of trial. May peace find you as you wait to join him. Much love. CF4L.

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  58. My thoughts are with you right now - there are just no words. I can't imagine how much this sucks right now. Sending you love.

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  59. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and your extended families. I'm sorry to say I've been unable to contribute financially but hopefully my prayers will be of help to you.

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  60. I hope that the pain you are feeling fades swiftly Tashi. I hope you allow those around you and those that can help you to do so... lean on friends and family as much as you need to- allow yourself that. You deserve comfort and security.

    The first thing I did this morning when I woke at 5am was check my facebook to see if there was any update on Wash. I read the news, and sat there for a bit... gathered my thoughts and walked over to my front door to take my dogs outside. I squatted down to place the leash on my girl dog (Chaco). She walked up to me, looked up and stared over my head to the right... she intently stared in that direction for quite awhile. I figured there was a spider on the wall or SOMETHING capturing her attention. I kept looking over my shoulder to figure out what she was staring at but it was just the white wall and nothing else. Who knows what it was for sure but I had a little feeling I could have been a quick "see ya :)" From wash. Be kind to yourself as you move forward- spoil yourself. Much love.

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  61. As Ood Sigma said "This song is ending, but the story never ends"

    Live your life as Wash would want you to. Yes it will be hard, and yes you will miss him. There's no denying that. Live it for him, and with him in your mind and heart.

    From here in North Phoenix my thoughts are with you Tashi

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  62. I wanted to express my deepest sympathies to you. Remember that you are a survivor and a fighter. Take care of yourself and your kitties.

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  63. I've followed your blog through your entire journey (arrived through Regretsy) and though I've never commented, my heart and prayers have been with you the whole way. I can't even imagine all you've been through. I only hope and pray that you find peace someday, and find comfort in knowing just how loved you and Wash are by so many.

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  64. So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you during this time.

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  65. I have walked the path you are on. It is horrible and awful. I hope you are surrounded by love and support. There is no way I can express how difficult this time is, but know you have my contact information if I can ever do anything for you. We are a rare, unique group now and we have to stick together. Sending love.

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  66. Firstly, I am sorry for you and your family and the pain you are feeling/have felt/will feel in the coming days. And I hope these words of sympathy serve to console you during the bleakest of times.

    Secondly, THANK YOU for opening up your lives and sharing this amazing story with all of us. It's humbling to bear witness to this kind of thing. Safe to say that sometimes, courage looks like pushing 'play' on the dvr selection and just taking a deep breath. My hat is off to you, my heart goes out to you.

    Peace.

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  67. God bless you. What a wonderful couple you are and you will meet again. He will be waiting for you. There are no words I can say that would begin to describe your bravery and solidity as a couple. God bless. CF4L Aprilee

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  68. Words are wholly inadequate, but please know that you and your husband truly define the word "love." I'm so sorry for all you both have had to go through, and I hope that you can find peace.

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  69. *hugs*

    He's found his peace, Tashi. Now I wish you to find your own peace, and when the time is right, stop being The Girl Who Waits. He would want you to live on, your own full life, not just waiting for your reunion.

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  70. I'm so sorry for your loss. All I can say is that he is so lucky to have had someone love him so deeply. Stay strong, Tashi!

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  71. I remember the night I lost my father. All I can offer you is the comfort that was extended to me - the wordless hugs and tears that mark the memory of someone well loved who has gone too soon.

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  72. I've been reading your blog for about six months now and have never commented. I am so sorry for your loss. He was a lucky man to have you there taking care of him for all that time. You are in my thoughts!

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  73. I am so, So, very sorry to hear this. *is sobbing at my computer and doesn’t care who sees it*
    Best wishes Tashi and safe travels Wash.

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  74. Another fat jealous loser here.

    Tashi, you are a wonderful and unimaginably strong person. I have been thinking about you both since I first stumbled upon Regretsy and the post of you obtaining your urn. It is such a wonderful story of how people can be brought together, and I hope that wonderful story will help ease some of your pain, at least a little bit.

    There is a book I think you need to read. I am going to try and find a copy just for you, but in case I forget, go to your library and pick u a copy of "A Dance for Emilia" by Peter S Beagle. I have never been a big nerd (so I apologize for being a little out of place here), but my nerdiness explodes for Peter S Beagle. He is also the author of "The Last Unicorn", his most popular work. A Dance for Emilia is a personal story by Beagle, in his own way recounting the loss of a friend, and dealing with loss. Though sad, it also is very happy and inspiring, and I think you would find it very wonderful.

    In all other ways I wish you the best, and give you hope that you and Wash are both headed towards a brighter and more exciting journey. Love you! (in a fat jealous stranger kind of way)

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  75. So sorry to hear this. Your strength will pull you through, even though right now it doesn't feel that way. You are truly an inspiration and I know the horrible pain you feel now will subside, being replaced with love and amazing memories. Sending love and thoughts your way-

    Dianna

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  76. You are an unbelievably strong, insightful, loving, courageous, feisty woman. Wash was blessed to have a wife/lover/friend like you in his life.

    Be gentle with yourself in this time. Hold your head high knowing you gave another human a wonderful world of love in his much too short life.

    Much love,

    Erin

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  77. Many condolences, I'm sure he's gone on to a better place, and will be keeping an eye on you to make sure you're always ok

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  78. I'm so sorry to read about your loss. You and your husband will be in my thoughts.

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  79. I'm so very sorry. You will both be close in my thoughts.

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  80. I followed your story since it was originally posted on Regretsy, and I am so sorry to hear about Wash's passing. I hope that though things will be difficult, both you and your husband can find yourselves in better places. Wash was so lucky to have you, and I hope that he can give you the strength now that you gave him throughout your marriage. Best wishes and warm thoughts.

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  81. I'm so sorry. Much love to you and Wash.

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  82. Thinking of you tonight, Tashi. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  83. So sorry for all you're going through. Stay strong, and know that you are very much loved.

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  84. Do not stand at my grave and weep,
    I am not there; I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow,
    I am the diamond glints on snow,
    I am the sun on ripened grain,
    I am the gentle autumn rain.
    When you awaken in the morning’s hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circling flight.
    I am the soft star-shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and cry,
    I am not there; I did not die.

    We love you, Tashi.

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  85. You hang in there, girl. I just watched yours and Wash's thank-you video over at Regretsy. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, and though I know it won't help with the pain, be proud that you were there for him through such hard times! You are an inspiration!

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  86. Once more into the fray
    The last good fight I'll ever know
    Live and die on this day
    Live and die on this day

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  87. Tashi, I have been following your story ever since Roger Ebert featured you on his blog. My heart hurts for you. There is nothing so horrible as saying goodbye and knowing it's the best thing. I wish you peace in your grieving.

    P

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  88. I'm so sorry Tashi. I'm sending lots of love and good thoughts your way.

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  89. We're still here for you Tashi. Whatever you need, ask. Thank you so much for sharing with us, I have a friend with brain cancer, and your honesty helps me to know some of what lies ahead. I am so sorry, my words cannot convey how much sympathy I have for you.

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  90. Much love to you. So sorry for your loss.

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  91. Tashi, I'm a ThinkGeeker/Regretsian who has been following you for a while now. I was a primary caregiver for a family member with terminal cancer & I had them at home 24 hours a day like you without a lot of help or intervention. I know some of the struggles that you endured and my heart cries out for you now. I wish I lived near you to give you a hug (or whatever the most comforting gesture I can give to an aspie!) Please know that you have geeks all over the world thinking happy thoughts for Wash as he transitions to a new plane, but also for you as you continue on with the incredible strength, courage & fortitude you've shown. It's ok to yield a little bit now, honey.

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  92. Just here to offer my condolences, and if you need an ear, please get in touch with me.

    I'm so sorry for your loss Tashi. xoxo

    Amanda

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  93. "Alive isn't sad."
    "It's sad when it's over."

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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  94. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best and wish you well. Remember to take care of yourself and remember to love who you are and all you have been through, even if it's been hell. Thanks for sharing your story as well, it lets others know they are not alone when facing an ill relative, and also helps show them how frustrating and agonizing it can be. I'm so glad he had a wonderful last day and is having new adventures up in heaven. Many prayers being sent your way.

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  95. Much love to you. Fly my friend, fly.

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  96. I'm from Yip groupthink, and before that, I lurked on Jez. I have been following your story for at least two years now. I am so, so, so deeply sorry for your pain, and I only wish I could do something to really help.

    All I can say is, you are so very brave, kind, and dedicated. You have cared for Wash and borne this burden with an impressive grace.

    From a stranger on the internet, much love. I hope you both find peace and some kind of joy. You both certainly deserve it.

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  97. My heart aches for you, Tashi. I hope with all my heart that you find peace and healing in the time to come.

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  98. from one caregiver to another, you are so, so strong. all the love in the world.

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  99. Tashi, what can one say at a time such as this? Everything that I come up with sounds generic and cliche so I'm just going to speak from my heart. Thank you so much for sharing "your Wash" with us. Thank you for opening up and "bleeding" from your soul. Most of all, thank you for proving to me that TRUE LOVE does still exist. I really needed to know that right now.

    Even though you may not be able to see him, Wash will ALWAYS be with you...I believe that with every fiber of my being.

    Just echoing what has already been said...I know you don't know me personally but if there is anything that I can do, do NOT hesitate to let me know.

    Tashi & Wash forever♥ A real love story.

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  100. *Hugs*

    I'm far, and a stranger to you, but I think of you in this difficult time. May you be surrounded by love and kindness!

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  101. I'm so sorry. May you find peace in having met and married the man of your dreams.

    Susan

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  102. Bless you, Tashi. Wishing you peace and strength.

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  103. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

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  104. Tashi, I first heard your story on Regretsy, and my heart just broke today when I saw the news that Wash had passed on. Know that my heart and thoughts are with you, and I am hoping that strength, peace and comfort can find you. With love from a fellow Phoenician...

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  105. Tashi.
    Since I read the post on Regresty several hours ago, I have went through and read your entire blog. And the part of me I don't normally give into cried. I cried for you, your hopes, your dreams, and your losses. And now I hope for you to make new dreams. And to always, always keep Wash alive in your heart and mind. Because even though he may not be here to remind you, he will always be with you, because he's your angel now.
    While you may not know me, or who I am, or may not ever read this comment, I'm praying for you. Please, whenever you feel alone, know that there are many people thinking of you.

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  106. I know what a heart broken by loss feels like, and I am so, so sorry for your pain. As a fellow Whovian, I can't imagine a more touching chapter's end. You guys are such an inspiration of love and strength. That love will never die: your grief is proof of this.

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  107. Another Regretsy-ian and Whovian here. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that this wibbly wobbly ball of timey wimey stuff will bring you to a place of peace. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

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  108. I wish desperately that the tears I'm shedding now are tears you could be spared. Be well. You won't forget, but you will heal.
    -Sandra

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  109. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 years ago when I was 36 and he was 40. Being a young widow is hard, because no one expects it, or seems to know what to say, and you find yourself trying to make others feel better about your sorrow.

    It never stops hurting, but life goes on. It has to.

    Be what you need to be, do what you have to do, don't feel guilty for living the hell out of life.

    This is the advice I wish someone could have given me.

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  110. Thank you for being so brave,laying yourself out there with your writing. You have helped so many people with your honesty. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am so happy you had a great last day with Wash.I will hold you both in my thoughts.Take good care of yourself, you are amazing.

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  111. Tashi,
    I am so deeply saddened by your story. I am so sorry that this all happened to Wash, to you, to you both. I have worked as a caregiver for children with special needs for 11 years so I can relate to caregiving, but I really have no idea what it would be like to do this 24/7 in your own home with your 'client' being your husband. My heart breaks for you both.

    I really wish I could do something for you. So here it is.

    I am a bookbinder and I make leather journals. I know you are a prolific blogger and self-proclaimed nerd who may or may not only type instead of manual journalling. If you would like to have a journal made for you (FREE of course, it is the only thing I can offer) I would love to do it for you.

    I can't imagine what you must be going through. It seems like you really have a way or working out what you are feeling with the written word, so I would love to make and send you a custom journal. I read on one of your posts that you were 'happy there was no meat in your fridge' so you may be a vegetarian or vegan - in which case I would be happy to use something other than leather. It is completely up to you.

    I set up an email account bookfortashi@gmail.com if you would like to get in touch with me. My name is Laura. If you want to see some photos of my work please check out my (choke) etsy shop www.newprehistory.etsy.com

    I really hope to hear from you. No matter how long it takes.

    I would love to give you a little piece of myself as you start to rebuild your life. This is the best way I can think to do it. I hope you are with people who you love. There are many people you do not know who are thinking of you right now. Please take good care of yourself and keep posting on your blog.

    -Laura

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  112. I found your blog through Twitter/#btsm. I don't have any words to share - nothing I say will make anything better, easier, or any difference for you. I just am so moved by your story. I send you peace at this time.
    hopeforheather.wordpress.com

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  113. so much love and comforting thoughts to you and yours.

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  114. I can only echo what's been said so far. Take care of yourself. Know that you are constantly being thought of and wished the best possible from so many. {{Tashi}}

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  115. Tashi, I'm so sorry about the loss of your beloved Wash. Find solace in the knowledge that he's just kicking it upstairs and watching over you. Thoughts and prayers coming your way.

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  116. Hi Tashi. Like many others, I read about your urn story on Regretsy, and have been following along on your blog since then. I am so sorry for your loss. While I can't even imagine how hard these past months have been for you, I know that the next days/weeks/months are going to be incredibly difficult as well, and just wanted to contribute my wishes for peace and hope during this terrible time. Love from a total and complete stranger in California. --kara

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  117. Another Regretsy follower and fellow Browncoat/Whovian here. I just wanted to express my deepest condolences and also my admiration for your strength through all of this. I am so glad the community has been able to boost you up, and we will continue to do so. Keep flying.

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  118. Hi Tashi, I am so sorry for your loss. My family has come close to the edge several times against cancer, which took my Grandfather this past year and has plagued my sister for the past six. Our thoughts and hopes are with you, and with the peace that Wash has now found.

    Love,
    Jake

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  119. Tashi, I've been following your blog since Jezebel years ago, and my heart has been breaking the whole time. Know that you are loved and that you have support all around the world, even if it doesn't feel like it in your corner of Arizona. <3 Stay strong.

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  120. Tashi,

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I've been following your story for a long time, and had been anxious - though I'm a stranger - to hear any Wash news while I was out today. Coming home tonight to see that he has passed brought me to tears. I am so sorry for everything that you have had to endure; you're such an incredibly strong woman! I honestly hope that I will be able to handle any similar situations in my life with the insane amount of grace and love that you have.

    I feel like following along with your story has made me so much more appreciative of the positive things and people in my life. Honestly. I want to climb into bed with my husband and girls tonight, hug them, and never let them go. The love you have shown to Wash throughout the hardest of times has been the biggest, most intense inspiration to me. You are incredible. What you do is incredible. I am so, so, so sorry that you and Wash couldn't have had many, many more years together. I'm so glad you had the time you did, though.

    You are absolutely loved - I wish all of us Readers that are far-off were able to reach out and give you real, tangible hugs and comfort. We're thinking of you! Hang in there, and stay strong.

    Much love,

    Lindsay.

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  121. Dammit. This stinks.

    Dear Tashi,
    Much love to you and yours, thoughts, prayers, hope for healing and a lovely future to you.

    Love, a complete fjl who wishes that your tardis could have ended up just being the most awesome cookie jar ever instead.

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  122. I just read your story on Regretsy - I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and give you peace.
    Suzy

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  123. I don't know what to say, other than I am so so sorry. Your story - of the two of you - has touched so many of us. Thank you for sharing it with us - the unfairness of it all is heartbreaking.

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  124. Tashi, I only just heard about your story for the first time tonight, and I'm heartbroken. You sound like an incredible woman, and I'm so deeply sorry for your loss.

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  125. My deepest condolences. Your love for him was fully expressed in the words you wrote about your journey together. Thank you for sharing Wash with all of us.

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  126. Trying to find the right words... it's difficult. I've dealt with my own losses but it's never easy to know what to say. I can only say this: Wash was a lucky man. He had a loving wife and he got to geek out to his heart's content, even to his last moments. We should all be so lucky to be doing something we love when we pass onto the next life.

    My deepest condolences to you and your family. May Wash rest in peace in his uber awesome TARDIS.

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  127. Fuck Cancer. It's our family motto too. I'm sorry for your loss, he seemed like such an amazing man. Rest in peace Wash.


    --I am a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar.

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  128. "I'm a leaf on the wind; watch how I soar." Tears and condolences from a fellow Browncoat.

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  129. My heart and prayers are with you and your family.

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  130. I have only learned about your story recently. I simply want to wish you and Wash's spirit the very best that I can. You are in my thoughts as someone who only saw the tip of the huge iceberg that is caring for a terminally ill person.

    I love you Tashi and I love you Wash. Sending you both peace and hoping it finds you.

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  131. You have touched so many of us with your love and dedication to each other, and with your determination to make the most and best of every moment. My thoughts are with you.

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  132. Just another geeky soul from the internet who stumbled onto your story yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about it and wanted to add my positive thoughts to the pool. Peace, love, and happiness to you and Wash.

    Remember that the people that you love never really leave you. We are all stardust.

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  133. I've been reading your blog for a while but never posted.
    You are an amazing woman, wife and and caretaker. You were there for Wash every step of the way. I hope you can find peace in the coming weeks.
    You will see Wash again, healthy and whole,somewhere out there. I really believe that.
    Much love.

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  134. I am so sorry for your loss Tashi. I wish you the best of luck in your adventures.

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  135. As a Fundly team member and Regretsy reader who has been following this story for a while, I'm so sorry to hear that Wash has passed away.

    As the daughter of a mother who died of cancer (lung, with mets to the brain): frak cancer indeed. And double-frak cancer that attacks your person's personality. I could totally relate to your last-days posts: pain, confusion, anxiety. So happy to hear that Wash had some moments of comfort and lucidity at the end.

    As half a happy marriage: Just no words. Heart-broken for you. Extending all the comfort that a complete stranger on the Internet can offer.

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  136. Just another one sending thoughts along the wind to you...Wash has been on my mind almost constantly for the last day or two, and Tashi, you will continue to be in my thoughts for a long time to come. If you ever need a crazy friend in Kansas, drop me a line. :)

    I'm not sure I will ever forget the words you've written here over the last few months. Fly on, Wash.

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  137. My heart breaks for you and soars for Wash. I wish I could hug you or give you any sort of comfort. My prayers and deepest condolences.

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  138. Sending you the biggest internet hugs and every loving thought I have. You have been an inspiration to so many people, and touched the hearts of even more. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  139. There are no words that can make the pain go away. Take all the love that has been shared with you and Wash and take strength. Hold tight to the knowledge that the story of your lives that you shared has bound so many together. We are better for knowing you and Wash. There is so much negative in the world that it gives me hope whenever I see how much power can be generated by the hearts of people.

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  140. The angels met him and he is definitely off to his next great adventure! Blessings to you, Tashi.

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  141. My heart and thoughts are with you Tashi. May you find peace and comfort in family and friends. Your love will be with you always.

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  142. Wash has finally found the peace he so deserves; I wish it could have been here with you....eventually you will find peace too. For now, take care of yourself and let others help you take care of yourself. Love and lots of love

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  143. Tashi,

    I wish I knew you so I could just hold you. You are such a beautiful, amazing, strong woman, and a dreamboat of a wife. The strength you have for your beloved Wash is amazing. My mother had minor cancer a few years ago and it is terrifying and heartbreaking. The strength you have had and continue to have to stunning. I wish I could give you something, but please know my heart and thoughts are with you.

    Wash is now on the best adventure of all, finally free from pain, and getting to live the dream and explore all of time and space with The Doctor. Know he is always with you, protecting us against all the evil and going on the best adventures.

    You are so, so beautiful. I cannot even fathom the correct words to say to you. Though I do not know you, I love you with all my heart. Stay strong.

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  144. For the times in my life like this I find this poem by Suzette Hadin Elgin is very soothing:

    DEATH
    (for one who has died)
    You go from us
    into a new becoming;
    we rejoice for you and wish you an easy journey
    into the Light.
    The winds will speak to us of you,
    the waters will mention your name;
    snow and rain and fog,
    first light and last light,
    all will remind us that you had
    a certain way of being
    that was dear to us.
    You go back to the land you came from
    and on beyond.
    We will watch for you,
    from Time to Time.
    Amen.

    My most sincere condolence on your (temporary) loss.

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  145. I'm so sorry, Tashi. I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. Just know you have all these people, including me, supporting you, and are here to help you.

    You are an amazingly strong woman for having gone through what you and Wash have gone through, and being able to take care of him without negative results for yourself and your loved ones.

    Wash is travelling the stars, and at peace. He will be there, waiting for you. Just make sure you live a fulfilling life that you both can be proud of once you join him.

    We all love you, and don't be afraid to ask for help if and when you need it.

    -Krys

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  146. I am so very sorry for the loss of the love of your life. Please be easy on yourself as you go through the grieving process. Many prayers and love coming your way.

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  147. I'll offer a Requiem for Wash. Thank you for sharing so much of your story, which has inspired others to love and hope and act. Wishing you peace.

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  148. You are an amazing, brave and inspiring woman Tashi. Stay strong <3

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  149. Tashi, I learned about you and Wash from Regretsy. I have checked in with your blog on and off ever since, and was so saddened to learn of his passing. I wanted you to know that I found the love and compassion you had for your Wash so moving. It has inspired me to be a better partner to my own fiance. You and Wash were so extremely fortunate to have each other. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

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  150. I wish I could think of something important and profound to say, but others have come before me and have already said it better.

    I hope that your memories will buoy you and bring you some amount of joy and that you find laughter and hope in your remaining days.

    Much love from yet another stranger touched by you and your story.

    xo

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  151. I am so, so sorry Tashi. I can honestly say you're the strongest person I've ever witnessed. I hope that you know in your heart of hearts that Wash will never actually leave you; he's just in a different form now. You'll feel him with you. He is no longer in pain, and I pray that YOUR pain is quelled, if only slightly, with the knowledge that hundreds of people around the world are silently mourning with you and are rooting for you through every minute of your grief. Please let your loyal following know what we can do to help you during this difficult time; I'm sure we will all do what we can. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jillian

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  152. Much love from a stranger afar. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as always, but more so in this time of grief and transition. I hope you know how many people- strangers really- came to love both you and Wash. Prayers for continued strength.

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  153. Thank you, Tashi, for sharing your life with us. I stumbled upon your blog when researching glioblastoma after my younger brother was diagnosed. You have provided me with some insight into what might be. I am thankful for your courage to share and your strength to fight for your husband. I respect you as the ultimate wife and caregiver. I wish you happiness for your future and I hope you will still blog to us, your silent supporters, about what you do next and how your life goes. Hugs and well wishes.

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  154. I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm so glad that his pain is over, and I'm keeping you in my thoughts as you navigate this. If you ever need anything, you know there is a whole sea of people willing and waiting to help in the wings.

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  155. What a scary and challenging time for you! You have sent out so much inspiration! Sending you some love and hope.

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  156. Very sad news, Tashi. I am very sorry that this day had to come.

    I've followed your story since the Jez #groupthink days. You've been dealt such a cruel hand and you've done Wash proud. You are an example to us all.

    Please, please, make sure to take care of yourself, and to let your friends take care of you. And, know that you are loved by many even if we are strangers in person.

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  157. Tashi,

    I've only just learned your story through a mutual friend. I've spent the last day or so immersed in your blog, and I can only say that could not admire you more. Your strength and grace are undeniable.

    Please care for yourself as lovingly as you did Wash. You deserve it.

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  158. I learned about you guys through Regretsy, and was so moved by your love for one another and the strength you both showed as you stood together and faced head-on what must have been such a scary and overwhelming time. Know that strangers all over the world are sending you hugs.
    With love from Australia.

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  159. I hope you have oodles of sunshine, celebrate a hundred million birthdays, and see a billion falling stars. May you read a touching book that makes you cry and watch a great movie that makes you laugh. I hope that you sing karaoke with crazy friends, drink too many martinis with coworkers, and that you have too many places to go and people to see on the holidays. I wish you rainbows, and pots of gold, and four leaf clovers, and the luck o' the Irish, and everything that comes with it. I hope--I truly hope--that the rest of your days are glorious and dazzling and fantastical and beautiful. You deserve nothing less.

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  160. My most sincere condolences to you during this difficult time.

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  161. I'm so sorry. I'm crying so much right now. I come here a few times a week, just thinking "I should check on Wash and Tashi" and thinking this would go on forever until one day it was just a miracle and everything was okay. I'm so sorry for your loss. We're all here for you, if you ever want to post here again, please do. Anything you have to say, we'll listen. We love you so much, you and Wash have touched so many.

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  162. I am so sorry to read this. He was a food person, and you amazing.

    I am the woman who wrote you a letter from Australia. My own husband passed 2 months ago from a GBM.

    Be gentle on yourself. One day a time.

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  163. I have read your blog from stem to stern. I found it after my 31 year old husband was diagnosed with stage 4b Hodgkins Lymphoma. I wish I was as strong as you. You are an inspiration to me. Watching my best friend succumb to this bastard cancer. Fortunately, my husband is currently in full remission from the demon cancer. You Tashi are so strong, a true women, wife, companion, and geek. I feel so close to you and Wash. I thought about you both so much last night. Your story has changed me, changed my life. If only I could be as strong as you. You are amazing, and you are going to live a long wonderful life, knowing that your Wash, is living an adventure, waiting for his bride to join him. Please take comfort in knowing that he will be your guardian angel. When you feel your neck hairs stand up, when you find something of his you haven't seen in a long time, know that is him with you at that very moment. Thank you so much for making this blog public. You have done the world a HUGE service publishing this. Thank you. Thank you for being such a beautiful wife to Wash.

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  164. My sympathies and prayers are with you. I have posted earlier. But, I wanted to share a poem with you that means so much to me as I shared it with my sister as she died.

    I Carry Your Heart With Me - by ee cummings

    I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
    I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear;
    And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

    I fear not fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
    I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
    and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
    And it's whatever a sun will always sing is you

    Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root and bud of the bud
    And the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which
    grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

    I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

    Godspeed for Wash and peace, comfort and love to you both

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  165. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. For what it's worth, you have my warmest regards and my deepest sympathy. I know no one path to peace works for everyone, so I won't try to give any well-meaning advice that might inadvertently add to your pain. That pain is real. My hope for you is that the moments of pain are quickly outnumbered by the moments of joy in remembrance.


    From a fellow Whovian and Browncoat

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  166. So sorry to hear. Hugs to you. May you find the strength to carry on your journey.
    Judy

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  167. Tashi, I've read about you and Wash on Regretsy and your story has impressed me ever since. I don't usually cry on reading things online but now, reading this post I've bursted into tears. I admired your love so much, your devotion for your husband and now I admire your strengh even more. I know it's hard...and I won't even tell you not to cry or to keep asking "why". I just know that your love for each other is stronger than death... I know God will take care of you >:D< Diana

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  168. I am so sorry, Tashi. Take care of yourself, and know that you two are in the thoughts of many.

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  169. I followed your story via Regretsy and just wanted to stop by and leave my sincere condolences for your loss. There is little anyone can say at a time like this, but I hope that you find some comfort in knowing that you have a 24-hour global network of great listeners whenever you feel the need.

    Take care

    Kate

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  170. I just found on on Regretsy. I'm bad with these things but I couldn't just let this go. I had to say something, as your story is beyond touching. I wish you nothing but the best. I shared the regretsy link on my facebook. I think it's a story everybody should read. So much compassion and kindness and LOVE in a world that needs much more. You and your husband are an inspiration. Much love, Kelly.

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  171. I've been reading your blog for a few months now, but this is my first comment. My dad passed away recently of COPD and I can't say that I know your pain, but I can certainly empathize. Reading your blog has helped me with my own grief...so thank you. Take it one day at a time. I can only hope that everyone finds the love that you have with your Wash. Peace be to you. Many thoughts and prayers.

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  172. I've been trying to leave a comment for a day and a half now, and nothing I say seems as though it may actually be of help, or offer wisdom, or ease your pain... so I guess I'll have to settle for saying I'm sorry (So obvious!), and thank you for being a part of my family's life through your blog. Though I've never left a comment, my three sons and I have followed your story for over a year.

    The guys have asked me to let you know that no matter what, they will always have your back. :)

    My personal observation - I hope that each of my boys finds the one who was made for them, as you and Wash did. That kind of love is a rare and beautiful thing, and I am delighted to know that it does exist. You made your husband's last years as happy a place as you could make them, and I am unaccountably proud of you for that. Keep in touch with us - with all of us - you have a lot more to teach.

    Good night, Wash. Good job, Tashi.

    Our love,
    KG and the Wild Bunch

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  173. I've been following your story since the request for Wash's urn on Regretsy, but like many others I've never commented before. My words have seemed so small and useless compared to what you've been going through, and I didn't want to bother you with words that would never be enough. But now I have to say something... I have to tell you that every time my life has seemed hard or unfair, I've come back here, to remind myself of you and Wash, and what kind of things I could have been facing. To remind myself that whatever problems I've had, although they've seemed huge and un-fixable to me, really weren't. And that, if someone my age somewhere else in the world had the strength to care for, and face the death of her soulmate, I could find the strength to cope with whatever happened with me.
    Thank you.

    I'll remember Wash, and I'll remember you. And like TG said above: Good job, Tashi.

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  174. I have not met you or Wash, yet I am bawling like a baby over your loss.

    Your story is one of inspiration, of a young woman discovering her strengths, her weaknesses, and the true meaning of love.

    Your maturity is beyond your years. Although our opinions on some things may differ, I have the utmost respect for you. You have fought the good fight, and have won. And you are loved, even by total strangers.

    May God bless you, richly, as you start the next chapter of your life.

    S.Z. from TX

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  175. I know you probably won't see this, but I have been following your story for some time. I haven't read in a few weeks due to my own busy life, but I thought I'd check in today.

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your dedication and love for your husband was so pure and beautiful, I can't even begin to tell you what your selflessness has shown me in the lengths of true human compassion and loyalty.

    I might pop something in the mail, but I'm really bad at stuff like that, so I wanted to express here how much love and light I am sending all the way from MA.

    <3

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  176. " You are the Universe, expressing yourself as a human for a little while " - Eckhart Tolle

    Tashi,
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    I've been following your blog for a while now but I never had the courage nor the words to express what is so hard to put in words because they sound so hollow. I deeply admire your passion and love for your husband. My boyfriend and I are Wash's and your age, we are fellow Whovians. Your story made me want to be a better partner to him, a better friend, a better companion. My family and I wish you strength and happiness in the future. Live life to the fullest, you deserve it. You have friends- even those who never personally met you two - and support all over the world.

    Lots of love and greetings from Germany!

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  177. Dearest Tashi,

    It's okay to fall apart a little bit now if you need to. Please take very good care of yourself, as much as all of these Internet strangers would do if we were there in person, as much as Wash would have wanted.

    All the love in the world. You have to be without him in the form you knew, and that's unspeakable pain, but he is with you in other ways. May all the best memories -- not just the Force -- always be with you.

    Love -- someone else who took a loved one home in a ceramic TARDIS

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