Monday, September 10, 2012

Into the Open Air

Wash had a good Sunday; saw his friends N & T, watched "Blink", ate well.
He informed me around midnight he felt he was going to pass shortly.
He asked me to put on the finale of last seasons' Dr Who; The Wedding of River Song.
He fell into unconsciousness before the end of the episode, around 3am.
His last moments aware were of being loved, seeing a show that made him so HAPPY, and knowing he was going to be going off on his own adventures soon in his own TARDIS.

He is in a Hospice Home now where he can have the best quality End of Life.
Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, wishes, hopes, messages, support, and love.

We could not have made it this far without all our friends acting as Browncoats to carry us through these trials.

My Wash's next adventure will start soon.

81 comments:

  1. I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, Tashi. I will mourn for Wash when he does pass because, through your writings, I feel as though I know you both. I am typing this with tears in my eyes... tears of sorrow and tears of relief for the both of you. I know that he will see all the vastness of space and time that he so wishes to explore and I know that you will find some measure of healing and happiness as time goes on, as hopeless as you may feel now. I am sending so much love your way... keep us posted on his status and YOUR NEEDS! We all wanted so badly to help Wash, but we also want to help you. <3 <3 <3 Take care of yourself.

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  2. Oh wow Tashi. I was not expecting this post to end up where it did. I'm so glad that Wash had the awareness to ask for that, and that you were there to share it with him. It sounds really peaceful and filled with love.

    I hope Wash has a smooth transition and that his next regeneration is filled with as much love as he had with you.

    You are so amazing, and I admire and respect you so much. Please let us do what we can do for you during this phase.

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  3. I've never known you. I've creeped through your blog for the last two years, hoping and praying for you both. I want you to know that even though I've never spoken, and even though I'm just now working up the nerve to say something, I think you're both incredible souls on an incredible, hellish journey. I can't imagine the myriad of emotions you're experiencing right now, the things you've gone through, the changes endured. I have a lot of hope, for you now and in the future, for Wash now and in whatever comes next. You both have my heart.

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  4. I'm also someone that doesn't know you, but who's followed your journey through this blog for a very long time. I hope that Wash's transition is peaceful, and I hope you find comfort through this.

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  5. My heart is with you. Thank you for sharing your journey so honestly and courageously. I wish you and Wash peace and comfort right now.

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  6. Same here. You don't know me, but I've contributed $ and positive vibes and lurked for a year or so since we "met" on Jezebel (rollsnideroll here). Yours is such a love story, and we all can only hope to have love like yours and Wash's, however cruelly brief, in our lifetimes. I and so many others have so much love for you and wish wonderful things for the rest of your life, Tashi. You have been an exemplary lover and caregiver to Wash. Like others, I'm somewhat relieved but deeply saddened the road is coming to an end. I hope you'll keep us posted. Wishing you peace--Vanessa

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  7. ^^same. for what it's worth, this random internet follower is wishing peace for you and Wash.

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  8. Another longtime lurker, first time poster. So touched by your story; you're an extraordinary human being who has shared a glimpse of your beautiful nature through your words and selfless actions for Wash. I hope you know that you are not alone, Tashi! There are so many of us here for you who want you to make it through in this world as whole and at peace as Wash will be in his next. Keeping prayers for the both of you near to my heart through this time. So much love.

    MH

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  9. I wish I had something to say other than that I'm sorry and thinking of you.

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  10. I have followed your story for awhile now and wanted to share that your love and commitment to your husband through a heart-wrenching journey has truly touched me. I'm so sorry for all you both have been through and are going through. I wish you both peace and comfort.

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  11. Vaya con Dios, Wash. May flights of angels see you on your way.

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    1. Bad thing to say to a Whovian, Allison. Given the connotation 'Angels' have in the series after season 3.

      But your intent is clear, and echoed.

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  12. Another long-time reader of your blog wishes you peace at this difficult time. I am thinking of you, Tashi. The love you give to Wash is inspiring.

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  13. Yet another long time lurker, first time poster. I still remember when I met Wash so many years ago, talking and hanging out with an enormous overlapping circle of friends, working with him on one summer occasion and in student body. He is and will always be an incredible man and an inspiration to everyone he touched.

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  14. His song is ending, and we are regretful. We will sing him into sleep, and we will sing for you.

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  15. And in honor of his chosen name, may he be like a leaf on the wind. Soar now, Wash.

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  16. Thinking of you both - you are both incredibly strong individuals and I'll be sending prayers and thoughts your way and, as OmegaX123 said, we will sing Wash into sleep.

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  17. May time heal what reason fails to explain. Your love and dedication to the love of your life inspires me to be more present in my own love relations. Thanks for taking time to do this despite what must be a very full schedule already. My thoughts are with you as this transition proceeds.

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  18. The commitment and dedication you've shown is something we should all aspire to. I've been reading your blog for over a year and am simply awed at how much love you've shown caring for Wash. So many would have withdrawn or walked away but you've been there from the get go. It's truly inspiring.

    My thoughts are also with you and Wash; may you both find peace and comfort.

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  19. Thoughts and prayers are with you both. Wishing you peace and strength, Tashi.

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  20. Sending good thoughts for both of you.

    Go gently, and know always that you are loved.

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  21. Tashi- you have done so many amazing things, and have shared your love and your trials with the world. We're praying for you, and of course we have all been sending little thoughts of peace to Wash. I wish you both peace and strength on for impending chapter. I don't know how you're doing it with such grace and dignity!

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  22. I am so sorry. We will all miss him.

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  23. Tashi, I'm another one who's been following you since you first posted about your story on Jezebel...please know that I'm sending so many peaceful thoughts to you and Wash. Your love for one another is so inspiring, and I am at least glad that it sounds like this change is going as peacefully as possible. I'll continue to send thoughts and prayers your way.

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  24. I'm yet another longtime lurker - I've been following your blog for quite some time, and always have been sending warm thoughts and wishes for the best. Seeing this post brought tears to my eyes. Please know that you're loved, admired, and being kept in our prayers! Sending my love and warmest vibes to you both.

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  25. Been following you since I found your blog...shortly before my dear friend's daughter passed from the same gioblastoma...your honesty and candor has been amazing, and your strength...unreal. You both have been in my thoughts and prayers, and are very much so today. We are all here for you at this very difficult time...I hope you can feel that...I pray that this time is gentle, and that you both can find some peace. Holding you in my heart...

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  26. I wish that I could "sit with" you right now, Tashi, keeping vigil by Wash's side, (in his Hospice Room).

    Allow yourself to *continuously 'feel' * your Grandy there ............ i.e., she'll comfort you and help you to feel safe ............ while your online Readers here empathetically *s.u.r.r.o.u.n.d.* you & Wash with ............ our Caring Thoughts, Love, and/or Prayers from afar.

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  27. I know you don't know me but I've been following your story with Wash for over a year now. I'll be thinking of you guys today and hoping this hard transition goes as peacefully as possible.

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  28. Much love and peace to you. I hope you can feel the love and support from all of us.

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    1. yes, we will join our voices...we will sing Wash to sleep...

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  29. Praying for peace and comfort for both of you. Just one more long time lurker from Wyoming.

    Rachel

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  30. I wish there was something to say or do to help you through this time. Just know you are surrounded by love.

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  31. Tashi - I've never commented before but I read your blog every day. I am so very sorry...you can't ever truly be prepared for these things. I hope you are surrounded by love and support, and I'm sending even more your way.
    --Augusta

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  32. Another longtime reader here...
    I'm holding both of you in my heart and thoughts ~ please consider yourself very hugged.

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  33. Peace and love from Ohio. Holding you both in my heart, Tashi.

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  34. From one fat jealous loser, know you are in my thoughts often.

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  35. Tashi, another old Jezzie who has been lurking your blog, keeping up-to-date. I am so sorry and all I can say is I am happy that he was at peace and I am sending all my best vibes to aid him in his next adventure and help you through your next step.
    Kemperboyd

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  36. Long time lurker here. I'm so sorry to hear this... I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. It is lovely that his last memories were so fitting. You are in my thoughts, and please continue to keep us posted and let us know if there is anything you need.

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  37. Tashi, I know you guys from your Jezebel days, and have checked in here every now and then to read how things are going.
    My thoughts are with you. I wish you strength and peace and much love.

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  38. Prayers for you and yours. I'm so sorry, but I pray you all find peace. I can't imagine what you're going through now. (MissWorded)

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  39. Prayers for both of you. That is all.

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  40. I'm so sorry. You and Wash have become very dear to my own fiancee and I. We wish there wasn't a continent separating us. You two remind us of ourselves. We wish there was something more we could do. Our prayers and thoughts are with you.

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  41. Love and peace to you both. Please let us know if there is anything us readers can do to lessen the strain on you, Tashi.

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  42. My heart breaks. Praying peace for you.

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  43. This is so sad and beautiful to read at the same time! There are just no other words to say-except peace & love your way...

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  44. Vale Decem --- see the stars. Peace to you both.

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  45. I'm sorry for your loss! The decision to put him in Hospice right now is for the best as it will provide him with that quality of life and pain management.

    Be well.

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  46. Godspeed to Wash---love and prayers to you. I'm so sorry.

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  47. I've lurked for a while, and I just have no words. I'm so so so very sorry. I wish you and he coulda had the life you deserved.

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  48. a still more glorious dawn awaits.

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  49. He will be a leaf on the wind...

    Stay strong. Much love to you.

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  50. In the words of The 4th Doctor regenerating into The 5th Doctor:
    It's the end... but the moment has been prepared for...

    And another quote from The 9th Doctor which even though I don't know you or Wash, I'm sure he wants you to know:
    Tashi... before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? [Pause] So was I!

    We love you both <3

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  51. Love, light and peace to you and your loved ones.

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  52. Wishing you peace and strength for the days ahead.

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  53. You are my hero. I wish you both peace.

    - April Winchell

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  54. Sending love and peace and prayers.

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  55. Love to you and Wash, and much strength to you in this upcoming chapter of your life. You two have been in my thoughts and hopes for peace and relief from pain. A leaf on the wind, indeed.

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  56. From a stranger on the other side of our planet, with love.

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  57. Be strong, Tashi. Will light a candle to hold Wash to the light.

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  58. Lots of peace and light being sent you guy's way...

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  59. Others have said it all so beautifully. Thinking of you both and wishing you strength and peace.

    --Bee

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  60. I am so very sorry, Tashi. Sending out love and peaceful thoughts into the universe for you both.

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  61. I have been following your story since you were featured on Regretsy...and I wish with all my heart that there was a happier ending.

    I hope you and Wash find peace at last.

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  62. I have followed your blog for a very long time. I met you in person through BME in 2006. I always thought of you as a strong and articulate person, and thought it was wonderful when you met Wash. He was a perfect match for you. I thought it was tragic when he was diagnosed with cancer. It seemed so unfair for this to occur to two people who should spend many happy years together. I am amazed by your strength and courage throughout his illness, and find it so beautiful that you remained by his side so faithfully and lovingly. His next journey is only beginning...best of luck to you and him.

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  63. Been following you from groupthink, sent a lego set to Wash a few weeks ago. I hope he got some joy out of it. I can't take credit for the following words, they are from a redditor, but I bookmarked them because I found them so immensely comforting, and I hope you do, too:

    "Science shows us that every particle of matter from here to the end of the universe was at one time at an extreme dense and hot point that was smaller than the head of a pin. That means yourself, your friend, this planet, all the stars and galaxies, everything and everyone who has ever existed was at one time the same thing.

    When we die, our consciousness is ended and the energy kept in our body dissipates back into the universe, to be used again as another organism or perhaps to wait an interminable time underground. But one day, as this planet ends and if the universe does indeed go through a 'big crunch' at the end of its life, we will all be reunited again, closer to each other than we ever thought possible.

    So when you look up at the night sky and see all those massive furnaces in deep spaces burning wildly, remember that you're looking at a part of you and your friend that you lost 14 billion years ago. Every photon of light is a part of us, we're the product of stars forging complex elements inside of their massive bodies which then had to supernova so Earth could be pelted by everything beyond hydrogen and helium.

    The death of any person is a loss to us all for the very reasons I've outlined. I'll most certainly burn one in the memory of your friend, knowing that one day in the future we'll take the same walk back into the stars"

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  64. I first heard about you and Wash on Regretsy - I am so sorry that your precious Wash is at the end of his journey. But the love you share is strong, and nothing can undo it. I hope you have memories and a good support system in place to help you through this time. You've been an incredible wife and caregiver and friend to Wash. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love and peaceful thoughts from NY.

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  65. Again, I dont know either of you, but because of the Head Nurse blog I wandered over to read your blog. And I have come to care about both of you. Please allow us to surround you with light and love, peace, and caring.

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  66. Another lurker/stranger here - I came here after your story on Regretsy. I'm another sci-fi girl, and I too have someone living with me who's battling cancer (metastasized breast).

    You are a strong amazing lady and this is such a horrible thing to have your love taken away from you so early. I'm glad your love's last conscious moments were feeling loved, doing things he wanted - that's absolutely beautiful. Peace and comfort to both of you...

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  67. I don't know either of you, but stay strong and I wish for peace for the both of you.<3

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  68. You both did your best, and it was/is magnificent. Peace to you.

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  69. I'm very sorry to hear of Wash's passing. My condolences to you, Tashi. Your post today and your image announcing his passing was so beautiful that it brought me to tears. God bless you, and best of wishes. Thank you for allowing all of us into your lives.

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  70. Another stranger sending you love.

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