First Monday; first start of a week (and New Year) without the man I expected to spend my life with.
I'm hoping to bring him home today.
I feel too young today. Too young, too hurt.
It's like the most perverted cultural opposite; this time I will be carrying his ashes over our threshold.
How does one even prepare for that moment?
I've been trying to be/sleep at home more. Some nights I can do it, some nights I cannot.
It hurt waking up today.
It hurt to hear the kitties cry. They have food, water, litter.
They just miss their Dad. I do too.
Aelphie and I had each other for a few years before Wash came around. It took her most of a year to even accept him.
Leto has only EVER known life with his dad. His whole existence has been keeping his dad company through the day. It hurts to see them confused and not have the words to let them know he is not coming back.
I have good moments and bad. Good minutes, bad hours.
I hear the ticking of Wash's pocketwatch. I've been keeping it wound for him.
One, two, three, four.
He still carries my heartbeat.
I'm wondering if I should watch Firefly, BSG, Doctor Who, or Torchwood for him today.