Gentleman Caller

Wash is settled in at the Hospice Home for the next little bit. He got a nap in and told me his first meal there was a burrito and rice. He seems upbeat. I feel a lot better, but still miss him in a way that calls me back to his first few days in the hospital and when I was dragged back home to rest.

So it's just me home now, with the kitties and a 5 gallon bottle of water mis-delivered to me today.

I lived alone from 17-22. Never had a roommate as an adult. Wash was the first person I lived with outside my family. It feels odd, and I can remember so many details from that time, when it was just me (and then Aelphie).

I'm also just having it sink in that it can be about ME for right now. There are others to worry and care for Wash. To help him. To calm him. To make him happy, right now. The now can be about me, for the first time in far far too long as a human.

I'm going to pick some clothes tomorrow, new clothes and not from a donation store.

I have no obligations for Sunday, for the first time in as long as I can recall. Years.

I will wake for me; not for or because of someone else. (Unless the kitties get REAL hungry and loud!)

I can have silence if I want.

My fridge has no meat in it for the first time in a long long long time. I'm beyond happy.

There's a part of me that misses him and thinks of him every second, what he might be doing, thinking, needing- if he is missing me too?

I know rationally he will be fine, and he can contact me if something is amiss.

With time and distractions I think that part will quiet down on it's own, not with my work.

I will have time for me, where it is ok and safe to be "selfish". At least until Monday.

It's been 7 hours since I've seen or touched him. I need to sleep, to relax, to calm down, to emote.

I have my family, friends, and kitties to help.

"Everything will work out in the end; if it has not worked out, it's not the End." - Best Marigold Hotel