Thursday, June 21, 2012


Some good news;
AHCCCS and SNAP benefits will continue! Apparently we ARE still broke, sick, and dying! It feels so odd to celebrate retaining our health insurance.

I also got my new glasses today. They are my first proper prescription in about 4 years (Thank you for the donations to help me SEE) and fitted for me and my eyes.

I can bloody well see. I can see details, I can see things without glare, without light halos.
Also, my house has SO MUCH DIRT and clutter. Before, it was all just kind of a group of gray lumps.... ugh. It's going to be hard not to clean too much and confuse Wash.

He's having a better day. Still a lot of memory loss, but it seems to me like he's forgotten his bad days from earlier this week and his severe depression seems to have eased. Though, it is still daytime and some days he is fine until sundown/sunset. At least in summer now he will get a little more light/sun. I managed to get him out for a walk at night when it was cooler a few days ago- he's gone from a walk every other day or so to around once a week now.
His muscles are going to atrophy soon. I try to convince him to move, but some days he doesn't have it in him.

If he doesn't remember I am not going to bring up his bad days from this week. Better he doesn't remember the pain or sadness. I can hope he can just move on past it.

I have had a nice few moments with my husband, a few chances for some (perhaps, last) memories. Emotionally, it's like taking a bowling ball to the stomach, but I have to focus on the good few minutes that happen, those quiet times where I can remember the man I fell in love with, or even remember more about myself, who I was.

I have to try every day to make it all count.


  1. It's amazing, isn't it, that the trees outside actually have individual *leaves* on them??!? Been there, done that, got the illegible t-shirt. And on to your feeling about how it's somewhat twisted to be glad they agree you're still in the shape you're in. I'm there, too, but at a MUCH lesser level. I've likened it to them saying "no, your foot hasn't grown back, after all..." Government is better expressed as a four-letter word: "gov't".

    Thinking of both of you constantly and wishing you both as peaceful a path as possible. Also wishing I could DO something...


  2. With your recent, significant, (i.e., REALLY significant/crushing), emotional hurts which you suffered this past week, Tashi, it would be so, *SO* hard ............ during a moment of sheer exhaustion/exasperation ............ NOT to just "bring up" those bad days (of pain and sadness that Wash had) TO him, you know. But, as you've said, you won't, though.

    I currently have an elderly father who (very soon) may lose his battle with cancer; and ............ my three youngest adult siblings there are, sadly, really PICKIN' at each other (more) now ............ and (because of that and my father's widely-variable states of cognition), the whole, longterm situation ............ is (additionally/understandably) sometimes just "bringing OUT" the exhaustion and exasperation of numerous family caregivers, near-and-far, (i.e., I'm a "far.")

    I sure wish *anyone* in my Immediate Family had perhaps 1/10 of the understanding, compassion, and empathy that you~~(even in your e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d., caregiving state)~~have, Tashi, not only for poor Wash............ but also just for other persons (with good hearts) out there, who genuinely care about you & Wash; and who are simply trying to deal~~(i.e., as best they can)~~with their own Sackful Of Problems, too, you know.

    Prayers and {{{*hugs*}}} to you and Wash both -