Wash has had Xanax and Ativan up the yazoo. He was ok for the two or so hours our friend J. was by tonight.
Then he got super angry and depressed again. He cannot remember so much of the short term stuff, and he was angry at himself- and yelled at me.
He asked for the Chaplain to come, it'll be close to 1am when she gets here. He says he's getting "Ready" and doesn't want to "pain me or talk about it with you".
I'm trying so hard to not cry right now.
I brought him some wood blocks and Legos to play with, because he was asking what was "safe" that he woudn't harm himself with.
The Hospice Nurse on call said she hoped it was a bad night, but that these intense changes, and his night-issues might be his way of trying to say he is ready to die.
NOW I'm crying.