Saturday, June 23, 2012

Hastily Fortified

Wash had a REAL bad day yesterday and memory wise a shit week. He has moments where he knows who he is/the cancer et all, but most of it seems to be a 27 year old turning about 6.
He doesn't remember Sept 11th. He remembers something happened in NY/the towers are gone, but the event itself he cannot recall. [We're watching a mix of OLD Simpsons lately and some shows from the late 2000s [2006+]] He forgets names every day, even the Hospice folks he sees weekly now. He's not even writing anymore, he'll read a little, play with LEGOS and toys and rest/sleep. This, on top of his confusing Aelphie this week for his old (dead) cat, Max.
A lot of the time, it's hard for him to speak clearly, especially when he gets more excited.
I don't bring things up with him anymore when I notice this, just file it away. I think he doesn't notice, I have to hope he doesn't notice losing himself every single day.

I'm still hoping he'll be feeling well enough to see Brave this weekend. Maybe.
Watching him die hurts. I'm thankful he's mentally mostly gone though.

So, that's where I'm at.
I wake up every few hours to see if he's breathing. I don't aim to do it, but I'll just WAKE and have to check.


  1. You're in my thoughts and prayers daily. Bless your heart, both of you.

  2. Oh, Life, *L.I.F.E.*!! 'Never in a million years, no doubt, Tashi, could you have foreseen............ (i.e., could ANYONE have, really??!!)............ that one of the things you'd genuinely be MOST THANKFUL FOR, on a day-to-day basis, would be............ that your dear husband would be, as you said, "mentally mostly gone"............ i.e., "so he doesn't"~~(you have to hope)~~"notice losing himself every single day."

    In The Best Of Times, (i.e., although way-too-brief they were, before Wretched Cancer "arrived"), you loved your Wash............ and now, in The Worst Of Times............ you are-are-ARE still *l.o.v.i.n.g.* your Wash.

    The only words that come to mind to describe (very inadequately!!) the deep love you have for Wash are, "Oceans Of Love"; but there really are............ no words............ that do YOUR profound type of love for Wash............ j.u.s.t.i.c.e., you know, Tashi.

    Prayers and {{{*hugs*}}} to you & Wash both -

  3. Sounds like some of how my mom's starting to act, with dementia. Only she's 71, and Wash is 27. It's hard enough to watch at 71. Plus I'm not married to her. Which is to say... I'm so, so sorry.