Thursday, July 12, 2012

Both reached for the

I have a hairline fracture on my left foot; right along the line where I have broken the toe before.

I think if I had not broken it in the past, it might have just been a bad sprain.

So, I'm supposed to stay off the foot as much as I can, no taping it- still too swollen, but ice and elevation.
3 weeks of a cane or crutches and it should be fully healed 6-8 weeks.

Thank you to everyone who is sending us love, postcards, and (for Wash) LEGO sets. He LOVES them. (Thank you!!)
He's playing with them now, much calmer and happier.

Last night was something truly terrible. This week has been a challenge for him. From the cat incident, to the falls. He just got SO ANGRY that the people around him can't "cure" him. That he won't get better. This is in his brain.
Seemed to just hit him all at once, and he just overloaded with anger and sadness and depression.

He would not take his medicine. He would not calm down, he was restless.
Said I needed to keep the cats upstairs because he did not trust himself around them or me.

We slept apart. It doesn't happen often in our marriage.
Hospice said I had to try to respect his wishes as a patient, because he was so clear and mentally present at the time, to be alone. To let him be downstairs without me watching him. He has a right to not be "safe". It's a hard thing for me to get used to, but they are right.
It was not easy to sleep without him by, wondering and worrying.

He was better in the morning. He wrote some last night, and also yelled for about 2 hours while he was downstairs. I have no idea if he was conscious he was speaking aloud, let alone yelling.

I got my X-rays this morning, he had S. as his aide/caregiver. Also gave me a chance to get by the post office to pick up some nice Star Wars LEGO sets that were sent to him. He will offer up to the nurses, "I know I'm regressing, but it makes me happy, and they're just so FUN." At this time I'm not worried about him choking on a piece, so I don't mind a million pieces around the house because he enjoys being able to still create and control in his little LEGO-land.
He needs that, and I'm glad I have the help to give it to him.

I do have a script for painkillers for the next little while that my foot feels frakkin' awful. I apologize if this later makes no linear sense.

We're going to watch "Treasure Planet" tonight, Wash has actually asked me. Like he's taking me on a "home date". I'm going to do my best to stuff down my emotions and show him I'm enjoying it, even if I'm in pain. He doesn't really understand anymore that other people hurt and feel physically and emotionally. It's all about him, all the time. That's ok. That's brain cancer.
But, he won't understand and doesn't understand when I tell him "No, that hurts me."
So, I have to smile tonight for him, because he needs some love and a memory of a smiling wife.
Rise above the pain to give him that.

It rained last night. I had a hibiscus blooming this morning. I hope it helps the tomatoes and the watermelon plant. It will be a little bit before I can water my own garden again.


  1. I think I've broken the same toe five times now. You're right, after that first break, it only takes a good stub, or a nasty fall. I hope you're feeling better soon.
    So glad Wash likes the LEGO sets!

  2. I hope your............ (hairline) fracture on your poor left foot............ becomes *less painful* very soon; and that it heals-up well!!

    I'm simply beyond-grateful that your fall down the stairs wasn't m.o.r.e. serious either............ i.e., that would've been very, very hard for me to deal with, Tashi, if, say, ............ YOU had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or paralysis) from a fall down the stairs!!

    {{{*hugs*}}} to you & Wash both -