More stress and drama for my poor Wash. He doesn't need more stress. He needs people to work together, or even pretend to for his sake.
I got to play with a kitten today (no, not a new one for us) which helped a little.
I'm just feeling like everything is unfair, happiness is not going to be obtainable for me, I'm grieving tonight.
I am tired and depressed.
Posts
fuck all is fair- just looking at you guys proves the point.
ReplyDeleteBUT.
nd this is going to sound godawful, but please take it as I mean it- in the best of ways.
Wash got the short end of the stick when he developed that freak cancer and was handed an empty cup countless times afterwards. But he got you. A ridiculously strong, outstanding, amazing woman who makes it as bearable as possible for him.
I won't even say light in the dark as I hate this worn- out expression with a passion.
Not sure where the redeeming bit comes in for you, really, as fairness and happiness truly do seem far, far out of reach. And only a saint or a basketcase could gain true, fulfilling satisfaction from existing to be there for somebody else, no matter how dearly and deeply loved that somebody is.
I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart that the time you get with the Wash you know makes you feel like the person you are- a young wife, a girl only starting out in life by the side of the man she chose to spend that life with, a lover and a vulnerable, loved, strong, reliable woman with both feet on the ground.
Tell you what, girl, if there were kittens for hire, I'd send you one every day.
Sometimes I wish people came with those perspective adjustment wheels that are on binoculars ...
ReplyDeleteI think you're an incredible woman and I'm in awe of your ability to be present, to identify, and to eloquently share your experience. You're a gifted writer and a rather awesome human bean.
And yay for kitty love!!
Warm hugs,
Eliz