Thursday, April 5, 2012

Not attempting

Families can suck.

They can bring in their own kinds of words, emotions, drama, and rules.

I think I need a break from certain people.

Wash dying is not about YOU. His bad days are not about YOU. When he is having a terrible day and contemplating ending his own personal pain, it really is YOU.

Know what is? Your (relative) who needs you. The person who asked you for support. It's about you promising more times than even someone with Asperger's can count that you will "be there" and then just not showing up.
It's about a personal history of showing no care for literally anyone else.

I'm angry. My feelings on this have been dismissed before.

I can't do it anymore. No more. My husband is honest-to-your-Gd dying. I cannot deal with your personal shit and my own.

Cancer has shown me sometimes the best love, the consuming support? Doesn't come from the people that share DNA, it comes from friends, fellow human beings.
I'm thankful for you.


  1. I'm all GRRRRR and I don't know what to say. some bad words, for sure! You are a really tough lady, you know that? You know that, right?

  2. I'm so sorry to hear that your families are not doing what they can as loved ones to help you and Wash with anything you need.

    Sadly, all I can do is give you words of encouragement and keep telling you that you are doing what you need to be doing; which is taking care of your husband and continue loving him.

    You just have to continue being the amazing, strong woman that you are and will always be.

    I cannot wait to hear the next bit of *good* news you will provide all of us.

  3. Ugh, so sorry Tashi. It seems like every family has "one of those types" in it. Damn narcissistic types. "Yes, I know you are dying but what about ME? What ever will I do? What will become of ME? I just don't know if I can handle it. I can't come around because, *forged tears*...oh I just can't stand to see him/her like this. It tears ME up." Me-me-me! Can't stand those types. GET OVER YOURSELF! Unfortunately I had to deal with a few of those people when my mom was dying of cancer. You just want to slug them!

    I know its hard to ignore those people, Tashi. Just try to remember those you can lean on. And keep coming here to vent. We care about you and Wash!♥

  4. Yep, we've all got 'em. My boyfriend has a host of pretty serious food allergies, and I swear some people in his family must think he just makes this stuff up to annoy them. Look lady, he's not turning down your breaded chicken breasts to insult you, he's turning them down because wheat can KILL him.

    The internet loves you, totally and unconditionally.

  5. Absolutely "yes" from here, too, Tashi, i.e., as far as every family having one (or more!!) of it's members who personally show............ *N.*O.* care............ for literally anyone else............ unless (maybe!!) there's Someone *Important*---(i.e., TO the non-caring family member)---"Lookin'"!!

    EMPATHY, (in my humble, imperfect opinion), is............ everything. Although other virtues, of course, are vital in living an honourable life, too, EMPATHY is............ MORE important than any other virtue out there, you know.

    If an individual has had, for instance, the longtime *good* virtues of being hardworking; industrious; and financially careful; yet then really doesn't give-a-rip, EMPATHETICALLY, *about* a dying man's feelings/emotional needs----(particularly those needs of a dying man who is in the individual's OWN *Immediate* Family!!)----well, all-that-longtime-hard-work and all-that-longtime-industriousness and all-that-longtime-being-financially-careful, (i.e., by themselves, without a genuine EMPATHETIC Component, too), are then all essentially............ "automaton-hollow"............ which is also............ VERY cold comfort to a dying man, indeed.

    In fact, that's something that *some*~~(i.e., not all)~~State Government Officials have in common with some of our own FAMILY members............ i.e., almost a *TOTAL* *LACK* OF EMPATHY!!

    I could "go on" with tons of really, REALLY shameful, true stories, (i.e., from my own career and personal experience), but this maybe isn't the right forum for that, you know; however, 'just know, Tashi, that ALL your Dear Readers............ (as represented so eloquently by those directly Above!!)............ genuinely EMPATHIZE with this awful, agonizing journey you're on, i.e., with your poor, beloved Wash.