Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Another bad night.

He passed out sometime close to 3am. I was up til 4.

He was just so confused and angry last night. He wanted to sleep alone.

This morning his meltdown was because he forgot how to work a dryer. "Settings? What are settings??"

More Hospice folks over today. More pills. More memories forgotten.

I woke up without him next to me this morning. So hollow inside.
Fucking cancer.

Thank you R. for the humor book- was the only thing yesterday I could laugh at.


  1. I really wish there was something tangible I could do. I know I don't *know* you guys but I feel like I do.

    All I can do is let you know that you have a lot of people thinking about you. It may not make the hard days easier but you have as much virtual support as you need.

  2. Thank you for continuing to post. As an medical provider I work to put myself in my patients shoes. These post help me to remember what really fucking matters. The people not the profit.

  3. On those *a.w.f.u.l.* nights when Wash wants to sleep alone,(i.e., because he's so confused and angry); then you wake up without him next to you in the morning, hollow and lonely inside............ (and I honestly don't mean to "butt-into" your married couple's privacy here, at all, Tashi)............ but maybe you can~~(later in the day, when Wash isn't so confused/angry)~~simply snuggle together for a while............ to hopefully "erase" a little bit of that hollowness and loneliness from your heart, at least temporarily, you know.

    I'm thinking of you & Wash............ praying for you & Wash............ and also a.c.h.i.n.g. for you & Wash, too. You're not alone, Tashi.