Nothing's going right. Or at least, if it is it just feels all wrong.
My brain just HURTS. Like sharp spikes in it.
I wish I could just put Tashi and her problems and everything in a little box and leave it.
Lost a fish this morning. Woke up too early. Bills and no money. Friend's leaving the country.
Today I am having a hard day coping. Today I just want us to be normal.
I don't want us to be poor. I don't want to be sick. I don't want my husband to have fucking goddamn brain cancer. I don't want to be a widow. I don't want to fight anymore.
I'm sick of being strong and responsible.
Not even an Aelphie-butt purring in my lap can help today.
No I am not together today. Today it is just too hard for me to ignore all the changes. 6 loads of laundry, fuck cancer I have to clean. Dishes Wash has been promising to do- left out so long I saw a roach last night. Trash should have been out days ago. I just don't know how to do EVERYTHING , be responsible for every fucking thing, and care for Tashi too. There is just nothing left.
I'm so tired and there's just nothing left in me but responsibility placed there by a tumor.
Fuck it all. I'm having an issue remembering why I even keep myself breathing.