Sunday, July 3, 2011

Screw the heat, give me two wheels and a helmet

Ah, summer.

It gets to 40C-50C. (In the over 120F range, we were at 118 yesterday). Power goes out (we had a brown-out yesterday) fans barely move the heavy particulate filled air...

Frak it all. I hate summer (here), but there is one, one bright spot for me.

Le Tour.

Every year since I was... 3? 4? I have woken up at 3 or 5am to catch the live stream of at least the first stage. I love cycling with all the passion and obsession that me as an Aspie can have. I have followed teams, fell in love with riders and discarded them after I heard of the doping scandals in the mid, late 90s and the mid aughts too. Breaking Away was one of my favourite movies growing up. I even eventually found that very bike and had it restored, a lovely bright red 1976 Masi - changed out the banana yellow seat and upgraded the gears, but he was lovely and all mine.

Thankfully Wash doesn't mind. He doesn't quite "get it" as a sport, or how to watch always, but I can appreciate how at least he doesn't kick me away from the TV.

So, past few days I have not been feeling -super- something my doctor did warn me about but said it was "unlikely" to effect me. Frak that. After managing to get all the paperwork complete for this month, making sure that we both still have health insurance and prescription coverage, dealing with the car, everything... I just kinda crashed at the end of this week. Too weak really.

Wash was a HUGE help yesterday and went out with my mum to get us groceries. Not only was this a help to keep me on some bedrest, but I am less worried about having to face some of the huge crowds for this weekend.

I've written about it before- check July of last year par example... I have Asperger's. Several times a year I hate living in my awesome home because of the proximity to downtown. Festivals go on, loud music concerts that shake my house and windows from 5 blocks away, and the crowds... usually an extra 20-50,000 people all up in my small quiet area.
People park where they legally cannot.
People litter.
Kids will have sex in cars on our FRONT LAWN.
Beer bottles litter the street. No, I don't like driving or walking on broken glass.

For me, it is just simply too much stimulation. Too much noise and people and all the things that just make me crumble as a person and want to cry and hide away. Normally I just inside and watch the fireworks from my bedroom window- though with the new 3 storey plus Old Folks home being built across the street it will now block a majority of our view. I honestly wonder if that means I can get my rent lowered since the view is now gone...?
I imagine I will be mostly cooking and cuddling with my cats tomorrow. Perhaps Wash will find a distracting movie for us, I can hope, otherwise living through tomorrow is going to be my bigger challenge.
I dislike traveling away because some fucker ALWAYS comes and steals our reserved (in the complex) parking spot. I really have a thing about parking in the same place... it is just a million little disruptions that frighten me and distract me from being and connecting with the world.

Thankfully there is a month or so before the next "summer concert" where I must go through all this again.
Sadly even my prescribed Ativan doesn't really help the panic on this type of stress.

Back to a happy moment to leave off at - I'm still trying to explain about group time trials to Wash- I heard from one of you all, my lovely and kind readers, and though I still have to make contact with the manager, it seems that our local Lowes Hardware heard about our garden being (mistakenly) destroyed they have offered to replace it all, even our mature plants so Wash and I can have our "Victory Garden" back again. I honestly cried when I heard about it.

I also tried my hand this past Sabbath and made challah bread for the first time as an adult!

I will say this as I continue on down memory lane- the first time I was ever sad, disappointing at my sex, at just the fact of being born female... was when my father first informed me that only men could ride in Le Tour and even in my lifetime it was not likely to change. Up until I was 11 or 12 I even held out hope of myself training hard enough and being the first woman to do so. It was more around that time though that I started to move away from socializing with real people- I lost nearly every one of the several people I trusted enough to call "friend". Riding as part of a team began to unnerve me and as I was forced in school to do more "teamwork" I came to the realization that I could never do something like that. 150 mile bike races, yes, absolutely. Did that. But riding as a team...? Not for me. I began to really get more into pathology and finally care a bit about my own families history as a family of archaeologists and a few anthropologists. Dead people just don't -bother?- me like dealing with those who are alive.

That was offsides, wasn't it?

Today involves books, kitty cuddles, perhaps some cooking, and just trying to be. Always now it is a matter of being present and enjoying the now- each day a gift.
Perhaps a 120F gift, but still...

To me, it's not summer until I hear Phil Liggett screaming with passion for the riders.

(Also, probably throwing in again with Team Garmin-[whoever] though I do love certain riders on other teams. I have followed the Schleck boys for years, and remember watching older tours with Max too...)

1 comment:

  1. Tashi, I'm soooo glad that your local LOWE'S HARDWARE store has *offered to replace* your and Wash's garden, (i.e., even your MATURE plants, so that you and Wash can have your "Victory Garden" back again)!!

    In our darkest nights, sometimes it seems that there's "No One Out There Who Understands And/Or Cares," but you and Wash really do have people who ............ (although not having been through exactly the same terrible sorrows/trials/tribulations that you and Wash have been/are suffering) ............ can still empathize WITH all those, including you and Wash, who are genuinely suffering. Your local LOWE'S HARDWARE store also has, (thank God!), some of these very kind, empathetic people, too!!

    Even the animal world has it's own "compassionate souls," as you know. I just love your 6/22/11 Blog Entry about Border Collie Pete who adopted his *own* abandoned little pet kitty "PK" (Pete's Kitty) a few months before he died, as if Pete didn't want to leave Wash's parents "without" a Family Pet ............ amazing.

    You probably have also seen this video, but just in case you haven't, this is maybe another instance of how kindness/caring can perhaps be "cross-species":

    In addition to our pets (and wildlife), living, green things are also so good *for our souls*, too; so Jack and I look forward to seeing a picture (on your Blog) of ............ your garden out back, i.e., when it's all "put back together again"!!