Monday, July 11, 2011

For the longest time

Trouble sleeping tonight. Think it's more than just my new steroids.

I keep thinking about some of the close friends I and we, used to have. People who have been in my life for 5, 8 years, more than a decade... just gone.

Moved on with their lives. Living and just leaving me an' Wash behind to, what?

Do they ever think of us? Of what we might be going through? Or knowing that I'm still a person, and a friend and I did- maybe do?- still care?

The human condition so confuses me. I wish it were easier to just shut it all out and sleep. It is not.

Midnight blues.


  1. I'm sorry that you feel these people left you.... It must be frustrating. I have one person that never spoke to me after my diagnosis.... But a lot of others that have come out of no where. Hang in there. I slept poorly last night too. Frustrating...

  2. So sad. For you, and for them. If they ever think about it there must be a lot of regret. The kind of regret that sticks with you. With my good friend who has terminal colon cancer, the young mother who gets chemo every three weeks to extend her live (no cure available)- at the beginning, in the crisis era, it's hard to jump on board with that, things are changing and emotions are high and their family, as a family unit, had to come to some kind of.. place.. and of course they were super busy, trying to do all these appointments in the midst of parenting small and medium sized children and on and on.. and then I realized I was not being a good friend. And it was a little awkward at first but I just started calling more often, making dates occasionally, and sometime just dropping by her house unannounced. Now, now we are the 3 musketeers (plus my husband). I am so glad I made the effort to get past the awkward time. I still feel somewhat.. I don't know, protective? I've got some medical things freaking my shit right now but I don't want to talk to her about it.. she has cancer.. is dying.. my little freakout is nothing.. I'm sure.. I hope..

    Anyway. didn't meant to write all that but I guess I'll leave it.

    I'm glad you're feeling better, I read about the hospital trip, scary stuff, not breathing is just very scary, I know! So, good you're on the mend. Hugs.