Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Chapter 3

So we have met the main people in Wash's "Hospice Team". They have been calm, polite, affirming, helpful, patient, and just wonderful to us.

Wash's wheelchair will be coming tomorrow so he can do outings without worrying about his energy levels. He's also got a massage scheduled tomorrow to help with his "pain management" side. We met 'our' Chaplain today and she'll be checking on him/us Friday. So far his nurse will be checking on him about twice a week and his social worker and chaplain once a week minimum. When they come back on Thurs we will talk about some other help during the week watching and caring for Wash so I can get rest and do errands and things.

His nurse is lovely and so far they seem to get along. His social worker will be working with us Thursday to try and help communicate with Wash's family about what is going on.

I do feel a measure of relief at this. They are really taking on a lot of the stuff that just takes up time and energy and space in my own head. I don't think it will be an overnight type of change, but I do hope that it is a shorter amount of time before I start to feel better and more rested, able to handle things. I'm doing my best to trust in others; I don't really have much choice at this point, but I'm doing my best to reassure myself that this is truly the best thing for us both. This helps us both, and with both of us having some bit of relief we really CAN start to work on our relationship and marriage.

I feel the need to also mentally remind myself that Wash is (seemingly) not going to die like now. He still has some time, and I am so hopeful that with some help, it will be good time that he has left. I've asked him to start thinking about what he wants to *do* while he still can go out and do things in the world. A place to visit, or sight see, or person he wants to meet? He said he will spend a few days thinking on it.

Most of the people we've now told have been supportive, some wondering why I chose now/why it took "so long". It was not entirely my decision, a big part of it was waiting for Wash to be ready for it, or at least open to what the benefits could be. That took some time, since he spent a fair portion of time denying his issues. It's not as easy for me to do that. His issues can acutely effect me.

I also have to call DES this week; there is an issue with our Food Stamp account. I've been paying out of pocket for two weeks for groceries. Not that fun. SNAP benefits make up pretty much my entire food budget, not a "supplement". My worry if they have cancelled our benefits for some reason. I really cannot afford food, rent, electric, medical costs (what Hospice doesn't cover and then my own medical co-pays), and entertainment for Wash.
BUT, I'm trying not to think about depressing things anymore tonight. That can wait a few hours.

We had some good news and good things today. My garden is coming along so well now; all the bulbs and seeds are coming up, I harvested strawberries this week and will get tomatoes next week. Wash gets massaged tomorrow. We heard about a charity Wash loves getting some donation help (kinda in his name/at his behest) which will in turn help a lot of families. I added my (almost/semi) retired mum onto Netflix today for her birthday present and she was nearly jumping with excitement. My family had a lovely dinner together and we agreed to try to see "The Muppets" as a group. We've gotten some nice distractions in the mail lately (wonderful books and movies!) Our friend has a new job after months of looking. Leto has been doing very well with his leash training and now spends time most afternoons outside with us.
Good things.

The pain exists. Keeping the happy and good things in the front of my mind helps to quell the pain. That's where my focus goes.

Thank you all deeply for your kind thoughts to us. We are both thankful for every single one.


  1. Praying for you guys. I think it's awesome that you called for help. We all need help from time to time. Praying you both get rest and feel well cared for. Blessings!

  2. Hospice will help you both. People in hospice tend to live longer and better than those who are not. It will also help you go back to being a wife, and not a caregiver. I wish we had done it for my Mom, but we didn't. It's a good step to take.