How can I disagree with that? So, he's limited me (I agreed) and that's sort of why I haven't been posting much.
Not sure how much I have to say right now. We just finished a huge chapter in the end book- he stopped chemo- and now we are both just frozen. What to do?
Pressure from all sides; go take this specific vacation, go there, visit family, do this or that... and I just cannot look into myself and find what it is that I'm looking, searching for.
I've had someone trying to contact me this past week. Someone I had known for 10 or so years. Someone who knew about Wash and I eloping, we were all that close.
Then Wash got sick.
And they wanted to have a wedding without any reminders of death.
So it's been a year, nothing. I think it wasn't just the pain of not being invited to the wedding, or getting even an announcement, it's that months later I wonder if "P" is trying to get back in my life? Why is P trying to talk to me? If P just wanted to return my things, they do have our address.
I had decided the best thing to do for my own mental health was cut these people I once loved so deeply out. It pains me.
I am not the same person I was before Wash got sick. Parts, but not truly. I've had to change with all this, despite how much I detest changing. When he got sick, when my life changed so quickly and turned into a miniature hell... they were gone. Wash's frat brothers stepped up from the start. My gal pals from Jez pulled together while he was in the hospital to make sure I was taken care of and looked after. Strangers who know about us only from what they read online have been more supportive to me that P&J who witnessed our marriage.
Should I, could I, how do I forgive that?
Wash is my best friend. I'm still terrified of what will happen when he goes.
Brain cancer is not contagious. Some people who called themselves our friends seem to think it is.
Wash says life is too short to stay mad or hold grudges. On some things I agree. On others... what kind of a person is it who abandons a dying friend and a super close friend who is also his wife?
Who am I to forgive their actions? Especially when they have not even asked for forgiveness.
Myself? I prefer to bury my pain internally and cut them out.