Saturday, May 22, 2010

Side effects include

Been an interesting time. Lots of trips back and forth to St Joe's Hospital this week; poor guy. Chemo hit him hard this week. All started with a mix up on his Rx; he takes 300 mg of Temodar as his mantinence dosage and they gave him not 15 pills of 100mg as he should take but 12 pills of 140 mg. Not the same thing at all. We got it corrected, but he started chemo a day late so it's Sat and he's feeling pretty gorram shitty and I am sad for him.

Since he's been fairly bed bound we've been working on his stand-up act this week. He shamelessly steals my material, but I guess since I share with him it's not stealing, eh? He can do funny delivery anyways, I'm just a good writer. I'm getting him ready to do a showcase this week so he will have the best bits ready for his Sun performance at the end of the month.
Laughing helps to deflect all the shite around us.

Garden wise things are looking fairly good. Two of my strawberry bushes are looking a bit cooked and my rosemary is dried out despite being well watered. I've also lost a bell pepper plant. However, my cherry tomatoes are coming in, I have tons more tomato and cucumber flowers, and new beans and peas growing. Plus I'm cutting and selling some herbs this weekend; basil, mint, oregano, and I'm cutting some thyme but not selling it. It'll be used as a oil scrub for Wash's skin since the direct oil can help kill the MRSA bacteria. My flowers are also very happy and I've gotten several small sun shades up in the back now so it's even cooler temperature wise. Getting all nice looking for the summer bbq season; which we will be starting end of the month. I've also finally got some corn growing so hopefully by July/Aug I'll be eating corn! Yay!

The days of this week haven't been great to either of us. My depression has been horrid and enveloping. I've been sleeping tons and just wishing a non existence on myself. He doesn't like to see me like that. I don't like forgetting why I am alive. However, I concur that I am not directing enough energy to my own likes and pursuits. I forget what my own passions were. I can't find new dreams, new goals unless I actually look, and Wash is a handy excuse for me not to look. I can find and make time to figure out where to go and what to do with my life after this... settles. After some kind of stability comes to us. I hope it comes while there still is an us; that's it's not a vain pursuit to keep myself alive after my love dies.
I got some books and movies at the library this week. The reading should do me good. Always seems to. My Aspie brain tends to kick on in high gear, get attached on a subject until I have mastered or learned all about it.

We've got some interviews set up with TV and print media this week. I am scared and excited. This might bring us help; no matter the cost to myself. It's bigger than me. It's for him, and those that don't have a Tashi or Wash to fight for them and Quality of Life.

Now I'm just rambling. He's sick, so I'm gonna go hold his pretend hair back as he grabs the big orange bucket. I made him some mint tea, hope it helps.
I hate this.
I hate watching him in pain.
Watching him this sick. This hurt.

At least his parents and brother don't have to see this. I can bear this alone for everyone else.

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