Thursday, August 23, 2012

Songs from an American Story

I wake up Wash this morning "Outside!"
"Wash, you can't go outside, it's hot and wet right now. You need to take your pills first."
"No! No wanna go out! The... the... stuff, the outside stuff; our FURNITURE! Is it gone?"
"What? Why would it be gone?"
"I don't understand why you think it would be gone...."
He goes and looks out the window.
"SEE??? You could have just said, 'No'." [everything is EXACTLY where it should be outside]

I just... what?

Waiting for his meds to kick in and the Hospice nurse to arrive.
How's everyone else's morning NOT dealing with brain cancer?

For reference, nothing has EVER gone missing during a storm for us. The umbrella gets knocked over, but nothing

goes MISSING. And I took down the umbrella earlier.

I'm wondering if he thinks it is Summer 2011 when we had our things STOLEN from the backyard?


  1. Dang, that's a rough start. I hope things picked up a little for you guys. Going OK here today. Thought Mama MB had chemo this morning, but they were just checking blood, she gets a day off. Busy-ish day at work though, nothing new. Hang in there lady!

  2. Not dealing with brain cancer, but might as well be. My mom has some kind of dementia, not Alzheimer's, and every day something like this goes on.

    She can't understand why no one will take her out for scenic drives in her car. She can't remember that when they try to get her ready she starts swinging her canes, threatening to hit them, and yelling about being forced to do something she doesn't want to do.

    She wants to know why the caregivers are stealing her clothes, including her underwear, so she packs her stuff into a plastic trash bag and puts it next to her chair for "guarding". Won't let anyone touch it.

    Yelled because my sister drove from the east coast to the west coast in three days, stayed for 4, and had to go back to her job. Says my sister shouldn't have bothered coming and should never come back. My real mom would never have dreamed of saying such cruel things.

    It's not brain cancer, but watching a loving, gentle, sweet, generous person turn into an angry, cruel, paranoid stranger has been awful. My heart goes out to you.

  3. My current experience with my Dad~~(86, who has age-related dementia)~~somewhat echoes your experience, Tashi, with Wash; and also poor beachbirdie's experience, (Above), with her mom............ (about which I'm also so, so sorry, you know).

    My Dad has unjustly shredded my character (behind my back) with my siblings; declared To All that I "never call" when I do-do-DO; and he's often just in a constant, low-key, (more-or-less seethingly-angry) state when I do call. (I live almost 2,000 miles away).

    There's also a strong (intermittent) element of mistrust; suspicion; and paranoia in my Dad's behavior now, e.g., about my sister and mother's being in town one time, attending church then shopping for groceries, he said, "They were supposed to be back here at the farm early this afternoon; and they're still not here!!............ I THINK THEY JUST FORGOT ALL ABOUT ME!!" ('Said with a very frightened//*p.a.n.i.c.k.e.d.* voice over the phone to me).

    Instead of my offering solid, rational, and reasonable explanations to my Dad~~(which his brain often is simply unable to "process" anymore)~~one thing that I've found which has been helpful............ (i.e., when my Dad's in a very sudden frightened and/or panicked "state")............ is to right-away comfort//reassure//soothe him, (in a purposefully calm, ~ s.o.f.t. ~ voice)............ e.g., "Daddy, Mama and 'A.' both *LOVE* you very much............ just look at all the things they're doing for you today to show you that they do *LOVE* you............ you mean *EVERYTHING* to them, you know............ and even if they wanted to 'forget all about you,' they couldn't............ because they both *LOVE* you so much!! It'll be okay, Daddy............"

    My Dad used to have such a no-nonsense, "real-good-with-numbers-and-Finances" analytical mind; so it's been hard for my mother & me and my siblings............ to deal with my Dad, i.e., as he is now. Wash is *58 YEARS* younger than my Dad, though............ which makes his (Wash's) suffering all that m.o.r.e. cruel//unfair//awful, you know.

    I sincerely hope this might be of help to you in some way, Tashi. {{{*Hugs*}}} and prayers to you and Wash both -