Thursday, September 22, 2011


I am not sure if Wash was up too late, spent too much time socializing, or was just emotionally upset.
Regardless of the cause, the effect is the same.

Bad morning.

He did not want to wake up to the alarm. He got snappy when I tried to kiss him awake.
He bitched. He yelled at me. Said some obvious lies. "You were up til 2 keeping me awake!" (Tucked us both in before midnight)

Did NOT want to get out of bed. Did not want to remember to take his pills.
Massively cranky-pants.

It's been almost 3 hours now and he's starting to come back to 'my' Wash.
I don't know how the rest of the day will go.

These are the -smaller- scary moments of cancer. He remembers some things, but he can't tell his memories from fiction and reality. What he remembers is often incorrect, but to his brain it IS correct.
It's not that scary for me today, I have the belief and hope he will 'come back' personality wise later today. Maybe his brain just needs more time after his sleep-boot.
The shit-your-pants part comes on the day he can't remember anything, even with time.

And that day eventually will come.

Right now I have to bear the pain and just watch him and wait.


  1. I'm sorry, Tashi. I don't know what else to say so.. sending you virtual hugs.

  2. I had this, I kinda still do to some extent, it fades, it just needs understanding, time and the most important factor, laughter. Dont take this bastard cancer's bs, make fun of it"the cancer"(it got me through the tomotherapy and the awfulness of chemo. He's till him, his neurons are just being dicks,give it a wee bit and he'll be good as new, ok maybe a little scratch and dent, but still the same awesome person you know and love.


    ps I used way too many commas, meh. It's been a long day.