Monday, September 5, 2011


So much for the afterglow....

Bad day for my asthmar. Kinda shitty air quality, plus hours behind second hand smoke and bus exhaust. Then we got to my mum's house and I had an attack walking in. Right now they've got a little construction going on so parts of the house are sectioned off, but the crap is in the AIR, so it only helps so much.
Cranky today.

We're running into money issues and it is just another stress on me.

Oddly, aside from the money, right now Wash has so few doctor visits. He's "stable" for right now. For some reason this just puts me into such more worry....thing's going so well when is the horror of the brain cancer going to come back? When, that constant fear and feeling like I'm holding my breath waiting for the worst. Right now I should be focusing on other things,the happy things like the time we have right now.

My depression, my anxiety are eating me alive.

I tried today to function, to be what he needed, what I needed, and I just failed.
I ended up having to deal with a new crisis this morning, and the little stresses just overwhelm me again.

I feel like I am just growing more and more scared of life.


  1. 'Just a thought, Tashi:

    When your asthma exacerbates, (i.e., flares up), more-than-likely your sleep is also disrupted, too; so you'll often be sleep-deprived (at least somewhat)............ which temporarily makes depression *WORSE*, of course.

    Also, if you have to use extra Rxs for your asthma during your flare-ups, the extra asthma Rxs----(as a normal, expected side effect)----often make you temporarily feel *MORE* anxious, as you know.

    So, essentially, if those who normally suffer from depression and anxiety have an asthma flare-up, their depression AND anxiety will often temporarily get *WORSE*, you know............ (i.e., at least for the duration/recovery time of their asthma flare-up).

    'Sure hope your asthma gets better, Tashi............

  2. Hm. Rosanna's comment reminds me: my two sons had asthma as children, and it got to where I could tell that an attack was coming on because behavior would get worse. Seriously... note home from school? Time out?? (my kids were well behaved normally). Rules would be broken, tempers would flare, and the sleep issues... only took me about 5 years before I took these cues to begin meds *before* the attacks got out of control. I still made many visits to the ER with the boys, but as my awareness grew I was able to lessen them.

    Hang on, lady.