Thursday, March 21, 2013


I have not been able to work.

I'm trying to get some proper help, trying to find any odds-and-ends type of jobs I can do (like a bit of dog-walking) and competing against a world where I don't know what to say about my 3 year (paid) employment gap.

I'm making some good progress in my own self to be ready to move/let go of the only "home" I ever had with my husband, and all the memories I have here, ideally around fall or before winter.

But right now I need help.

I need help to pay my rent. ($700)
I need help to pay for my (NOT Smartphone- I have a flip phone and it can't surf the web) mobile. ($68)
I need help to keep my internet on, so I can have access to resources to keep my mental health from getting worse, to look for jobs I can do, to stay connected now to really anyone.
With my extrovert husband being dead and all, (maybe another reason?) I don't really have people/friends/family coming by to visit, or socialize with me.
I need help to keep my electricity and air conditioning on. It's getting to the 90s locally now, and will get hotter very fast, and right now I can barely afford to pay for 2 hours of running the A/C per day.
I need help to pay for my medications, and co-pays. Even my lowest Co-Pay of $4 adds up fast when
there are 5-10 scripts I fill each month. (Depending on my asthma, my mental health, if I have broken any bones say...)

I know it's hard times for everyone right now.
Most tax returns have already been spent.
I'm still waiting on the official total, but for me personally, with the debt from my own medical issues; and of course, with Wash's, all my Fed "return" (which is less than $100) goes right back.
Without me working, and with getting just a bit over $7K total from SSD for Wash, I somehow STILL owe the State of Arizona money too.

I owe everyone.
But, I would really like to NOT be evicted. I'd like to be able to part from this house/home on my own terms, since so little else has been under my control.

I need help.

If you can, please donate. The Fundly site is running to the end of this month, and the PayPal account set up by Wash's Fraternity is still open.
If you don't have anything to spare but a good wish or prayer for me, I appreciate even that.

Share my story.
Ask WHY it is ok for the State of Arizona to leave me stuck, with no services.

I am doing my hardest to try, but I lost so much more than just Wash when he died.


  1. oh gosh.

    I'm so dollar poor & under-employed right now as well.

    I do send you a lot of loving, healing light, sincere prayers and a lil' hope.

    Hang in there Tashi!

  2. Hey Tashi - I've been reading for a long time but don't comment often. I've been thinking about a lot of the last few months - especially once the "grieving" is "supposed" to be over. I have not lost a spouse but I did lose my best friend to illness. I hated having to be "ok" when it still felt on most days like I was dying on the inside.

    I'm barely scraping by right now but I sent 5 bucks to the paypal button on your site (I hope that was the right one). I also had been meaning send you the book "Companion through the Darkness". When Amy died, it felt like this book and this author was the only one who understood at all. Even a bit. (Though at the time I was so jealous and mad that she had a baby - even though her husband died she still had part of him. You've written about it before so I wanted to give you the heads up). It should be at the PO box in a few days.

    Though I don't much to give in money - if you were want someone to text or call or email - I'm here. Maybe this is weird coming from a random lady on the internet. But it's there if you want it. This part fucking sucks. My email should be attached to this comment and I'll send a number along if you email me. Or you can email me at readiness (a) livejournal (.) com

    Thinking of you m'dear.


  3. Donated. Hope things turn around for you very soon.

  4. I, too, read your blog regularly, but rarely comment. It's hard to truly imagine what you're going through, even though I read all of your posts. Hang in there, Tashi.

    I am a student and don't have a lot to give, but I donated $10 via the Paypal button. I hope it helps a little.

  5. Tashi- I have repeatedly offered help, friendship, and other options but have never heard back. I have offered e-mail, phone and address. How can we help you if you do not respond? I will again leave my e-mail address: I live right here in Tempe too. I have been following your blog for over a year. Come on girl we are out here for you! xoMary

  6. Mary, it's good of you to offer those things, but Tashi is not obligated to take you up on them. She's in a rough place right now, and may not be capable of responding to anything at the moment.

  7. Donated with the PayPal button at the top of the page. Hope it helps.

  8. I just donated too. Hang in there sweet Tashi.

  9. Another regular reader and rare commenter, but sent another donation your way. Know that you have a whole community here for you.

  10. To respond to just one part of your did a lot during those 3 years. You were a companion - an advocate - a caregiver - a coordinator of many things - etc - all of which someone talented should be able to include into your resume for you. You developed skills that you might never have had before or, at the very least, might never have recognized if the need hadnt arisen. In addition to asking for funds, you need to ask for a resume writer extraordinaire who can help you explain those 3 years. If you could handle it, it is the qualifications of someone who can help run the office for a small business because look at the organizational skills you also developed! While you are looking for paid work, maybe some volunteer work will sharpen your job skills?

    1. Thank you; that is a very helpful way of thinking about that. I have a few friends who I will ask to help me update my resume in a way to reflect my skills, not my absence.