Not been very functional lately.
Over the last week there have been deaths around me; close friends losing loved ones I knew, or who were at different points in time, my mentors.
It's been hard to move, think, talk, or do anything.
Too much time crying.
My medication is helping to keep me from going down an even deeper hole, but I just can't anything.
I called Hospice, hopefully they can give me some help.
I can't focus on anything else, I can't sleep- and when I do; it's just nightmares and screaming. Screaming myself awake.
I can't turn off these thoughts in my head. Flashbacks, visions, whatever.
It's all just become too overwhelming. Too hard- no not hard, no goal. No motivation, nothing to search or strive for.
I wish I was stronger. I wish I could handle this.
I wish I knew how to live when it feels like my heart won't beat and I'm missing half of myself.
I wish I knew how to live when it feels like there is the voice and thoughts of a dead man I loved in my head.
I need help.
I don't feel 26 years old this week. I am young and scared, and far too old.