Thursday, February 23, 2012


We had a super long day yesterday; about 4 different people (Hospice) came by during the day! But, Wash and I both had a good chance to talk about some issues, and get some tools to really help his life (and mine by extension).

So though he did sleep in until almost 10am today (stress, physical movement, and emotional processing all drain Wash) and was a bit physically slow to start, Wash seems mentally and emotionally "better" today than he was in the past couple days.
He's doing some thinking and my hope is he is realizing that he has a LOT of help right now, and he does not have to feel so "alone".

I had a couple good moments as well.
My Social Worker, Dave*, shared a little of his background with me over the past few days and it is - it feels like I have a solid foundation now, I have more confidence in certain parts of my life and needs, and I feel stronger to even ASK for help now. We spent a little while talking and reminiscing and I had such a nice moment when we both realized that individually people from our lives had asked us the exact same questions and we gave almost verbatim answers.
Mark over at Trouble Blogging; I think would appreciate it as well. Certain things married/partners understand. Certain things you can't even imagine until you become a Caregiver to the person you love and were intending to spend a long life with. [This blog is GLBT*Q friendly. I wish every consenting adult who wanted to pledge their life to another consenting adult could, legally. I don't care if the term is "partner" or "husband" or "wife" or "lover". They are the person you love, care for and about, and want to spend your life with. That is enough for me. A Government refusing to recognize your status as the partner does not negate the loss any. /Soapbox]

I also wanted to take a moment to remind myself to thank and remember how awesome our friend Andy** has been through this.
He has his own shit in life to deal with, and his own grief.
But, he has been such a steadfast and loyal friend and I could not do it without him. In the past few months, half year or so he has been trying very hard to make sure he comes over at least once a week (and in the past month or so he tries to come over several times) to spend time with Wash. Sometimes he takes him out to do "guy stuff", sometimes he just "sits" for Wash so I can get away for an hour, and a lot of time he does what almost no one else does; he acts like a frakking normal friend to us both. He doesn't care how sick Wash is when he is over, he simply understands. He talks to Wash, plays with him, laughs, and makes stupid jokes. He helps Wash to forget he is a "dying" guy and instead, he's just "Wash", Dave's friend.
I want to write down how much it means to me to see Wash still have that last little bit of "normal". To have a friend who wants to see him to hang out, not just "check in".
I know not every one of his local friends can do this. The great friends we have close by we tend to see weekly, and even that cheers up Wash.
But, Andy? He's special. I will be forever grateful for just how well he has treated my husband. For how GOOD of a friend he has been, and I hope he will be.

For every asshole I meet who says something about Wash "deserving" this cancer, or that it is "Gods' Will" for him to be this sick and dying, I have awesome friends like Andy and others who prove that there ARE good, kind, and caring human friends out there.

No drama today, just a day to rest and smile.

*Dave is not his real name
**Andy is not his real name


  1. Praying for you daily my dear. Cannot imagine, but sending prayers and good vibes. And for anyone to say anyone is deserving of cancer is completley idiotic. God doesn't wish ill on His kids. I'm glad you don't listen that nonsense!

  2. And (for me), 'just a day to read your very heartfelt, genuinely-*beautiful* entry; and also to feel so, so *grateful* that you & Wash have (real, LIVE!!) Good Friends, e.g., like Andy, there............ and also (real, LIVE!!) Hospice Staff members, e.g., like Dave, there, too............ all of whom take ~ *C.*A.*R.*E.* ~ of you & Wash INDIVIDUALLY, so that you can then have some Quality Time TOGETHER............ and also so that you each DON'T............ feel so terribly alone, i.e., in facing your (near and distant) futures, too!!