Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Synchronized Sighs

I am going to need a lot of strength coming up. One of Wash's parents we just found out is also very ill; we are not certain how bad right now but it could potentially be about as fatal as Wash's type of cancer.
They were not planning on telling either of us originally I guess. Wash is dealing with this the best he can- which is to say he's been keeping himself as distracted as possible. This doesn't make my life any easier either; Wash gets clumsy and becomes a bit dangerous when he is very preoccupied with one thought.
I am doing my best to keep him happy right now, or at least upbeat. As hard as it is to say, I almost wish this would be one of the things that Wash forgets in a another day or so. Sadly, I doubt that- the universe would be too neat and clean to work that way.

The cats have been helpful to us both as of late. Aelphie spent a good deal of time cuddling with me and letting me hold her when I was Aspie nonfunctional. Leto has been his usual purr-ball self and has been sleeping through most nights so we've allowed him into the bedroom with us. Aelphie tends to stay down at Wash's feet or on my pillow next to my head and Leto tends to curl up against either one of us or if he can squish in between. He is an odd kitten but it is so nice to wake up to the soft fur and the purring. Watching them interact and just on their own- plenty of in-home entertainment there. Every time I look at Leto's tail though it reminds me of Golden Retrievers and how much I miss having one around.

On top of it all I also have the opportunity to present a paper of mine at a Symposium - right at the start of my "honeymoon". I've been thinking and will be sending out an email tonight with some options for me to figure out working both. It's a really nice feeling just to be asked/nominated and Wash has been doing his best to really remind me it's a "Big Deal" and tell me how proud he is. My mum has weighed in too and is "swollen" with pride. This of course conjures up wonderful imagery for me but I also know she means it, and it does cheer me to a degree.

I am having to stay away from more and more news sites and radio, television and a lot of media. Dealing with keeping Wash happy and alive and me functional is hard enough, add in all the worry that compounds it from my state being run by people bent to kill my husband (and me too- I'm poor!) and it overwhelms me. I prefer not to think too hard about it, much like Wash tries his best to ignore the Cancer during the short times he can. I wonder each day if it will be today that the mail brings news his insurance is cut? Or cut back? Or my own? Those thoughts keep me up at night when Wash is finally down asleep.
I don't really like thinking of the future that much- not the real one. It will be painful.

Even the hard frustrating days I am still glad for; they mean another day with my love and best friend and another day where we can try and learn to Be.

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