If this was a movie I could feel confident that Wash would get sicker, then make a marvelous and miraculous recovery.
If this was a movie someone famous would be alerted to Wash's plight (and mine) and step in to help.
If this was a TV show we would somehow be able to start our own foundation and maybe "Find a Cure" (TM).
If this was a Hollywood movie I would not have miscarried and Wash would have a son to "live for".
If this were a Hollywood movie his brother would be a match for an obscure and experimental treatment that *gasp* works and cures Wash!
If this was a Hollywood movie Wash and I would be on a plane with a fantastic orchestral background testifying before Congress about how horridly the dying are treated in America and the Government and Health Care imposed poverty while a 26 year old man who just started his life now dies destitute.
If this was a Hollywood movie, we would have the perfect ending.
But this is not a Hollywood movie. This is not a Lifetime Made-For-TV-Movie, or even a televised special.
This is real life.
This is my life, and I am the one who faces the daily hardships, the daily bad news, the daily needs to hold the will to survive.
Sometimes... sometimes when I go to sleep I ask that it turns out it is a movie.
Tragedies are entertainment..... until it's your own life and not fiction.
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I know it probably does not help at all . . . because really, nothing can really help - but you are not alone. Those first moments of consciousness in the morning when you don't remember your reality, and then it all comes rushing in and rocks you back with dread? There are others who have been there and share your reality, as awful as it is. Tragically, we are legion. We are *your* legion, however, and we are *with you*.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you, that you are able to recognize and try to savor the good moments you still have. Be in *those* moments whenever you can. I wish I had known to savor the moments more, and I respect the hell out of you that as young as you are and as much as you have to deal with, you *know* down to your soul that you must find your happy moments now, amongst all of the awful.
Stay strong, Tashi, and know that your legion is out here, thinking of you and Wash. You are surrounded by our will and our blessings.