Well that went not well. I am now officially uninsured all appeals over and denied. I also had to stop working officially so i am unemployed now too; Thanks AZ

the upsides of brain injuries

just rescued Wash's mobile phone from the toaster. what it was doing in there neither of us know, but I'm choosing to laugh at this. the mobile wasn't even toasted! i'm making him put this in his stand up.

Wynds and See's

Sunday night with Wash, me, a sleepy kitteh cuddled up with a sock, and Stephen Hawking on the telly.

Good times.

A fairly good day overall, probably the best I have felt in a full week.

Sadly, I burned myself last night on my left palm- a second degree one. Covered it up with layers of aloe vera and lidocane. It's actually not too bad today; I can bend my hand and as long as there is no direct pressure on the burn it does not hurt. However it looks like I will have a scar about the size of cherry pit on my palm.

Won't be the first or last.

Wash got a game in of 40K. It taxed him a lot. I say this as he got extremely forgetful about things today and has had an off sense of time since he woke up. To him the world is "running slow" today- he thinks time is much slower than it really is, he could perceive several hours as just maybe 2 or so.

It was hard to drag him from bed this am.

I sold some more herb at the Farmer's Market across the street; I picked and harvested, Wash took them over for sale.

It's really not a bad return rate. So far from my oregano alone I have now earned back the cost of the original plant, a few more weeks and honestly I'd say in a year we've recouped the initial investment from our garden.

Victory Gardens for all.

I started my first VG in 2006 and have had one since at each of my various homes where I have lived. They were mandated during WWII and I can see why; it's a great way to help ease the burden of buying food, it helps bring more fresh produce into the everyday diet, and it free's up government subsidized food for the needed market- soldiers or our own needy at home. I highly encourage everyone to do it if they can.

Wash's robot comes along well. I think he spent some time on it today earlier.

I've only had two nosebleeds today and both were this am- none since. Which is good as I hate being this constantly lightheaded. Suckage.

I'm hoping next week to make it to church. Would be nice.

There's so much to do and going on this week. I worry. There's so much to go wrong. There's a lot at stake. There's much to gain too. Lots of fighting and it's dirty debate no holds bar style that will put my own life and perhaps Wash's at stake. We will get through. I will.

Banish the dark thoughts from my head tonight. Banish the heinous visions.

May Day

Ah Saturday- you bastard. I am going to be stuck inside on the coolest May 1st we've had in years. Dick.

I'm still sick. Having uncontrollable nosebleeds that began a day or so ago. This gives me quite awful headaches and I've had balance issues too.

Plus, my asthma does not help any. If my breathing gets worse I'm going to the ER today.

Wash is doing a pretty darn good job taking care of me. He tries his best, and does what he can. He loves me, I know.

But I need to be better to take care of him.

He's been working on an assignment to keep his brain active and healthy- he is building a little robot to pick up a ball and then set it down again.

This means for the past two days my bed has been filled with legos/robot parts/batteries/wheels.

The kitteh loves this all; except when we take the parts back from her mouth. I swear, that little kitten loves to eat weird things. Bottle caps, rubber bands, condoms, fruit wrappers, anything made from cellophane...

Still no word from ******. I'm trying not to be upset over this. I have many wonderful people in my life who are willing to take that role. Who want to support me and help me. Who understand that I love my husband.

I'm trying to rationalize away hurt. Can't really be done.

rule 31

Today has been a pretty darn good day; so I will only focus on good things.

*Though I am still all nasty at least it looks like the infection is clearing up. I'm hoping that it won't turn into bronchitis.

*I have totally lost my voice. Wash showed me the "Speech" program on Anders today; I was "talking" like Stephen Hawking all day. It was quite awesome.

*We had pancakes

*He did the garden watering today

*Finally got the time to see "Monsters v. Aliens" today too- funny movie and quite impressive graphics.

*Date Night! - almost always cheaper weekdays- Did the movie "Book of Kells" over at our local small indie theatre. It was moving and wonderful and I so need to get it when it comes out on DVD.

*Also re: above, he shaved!!!! The winter beard is gone and he is back to having a Van Dyke - I've missed seeing his cheeks/face. More to kiss.

*He was smiling a lot today. That means the world to me.

*We're watching "Hamlet" on PBS together as well. Great end of the day. He's my best friend. I love spending time with him.

threadjack

I realize I haven't even posted the funny thing from last week; chemobrained.
So, since the weather has been warm and nice we've been hanging the clothes out back to dry. I came out to take down a load he had hung up to find nestled in with his socks was one of my flip flops.
Hanging from the clothesline.

He doesn't remember doing it. Then again, he often forgets short term memories, lately that's become the big problem.

He's cleaning up downstairs tonight, going through his Warhammer 40K boxes, and I keep hearing shouts of joy from him;
He doesn't remember packing them away from the summer and last move. He forgot all that he actually has to work with.
"It's like Christmas over and over!"
He also gets joy from seeing movies we watched last year; he doesn't remember many.
Makes it fun for me sometimes... I know what's going to happen and he doesn't remember the killer.

"Why is Altzheimers' so social and fun?
You meet plenty of new people every day!"

news

*Wash had his 2nd interview with NBC and our local affiliate last night. Prolly more today

*I am sick (not like, gallbladder explodey sick) for the first time since Wash came home. It sucks. Flu or a really severe sinus infection. Mucous Girl! da daa da daaaaaa!

*As such sickness, I did not get my new row of carrots planted this weekend or any new flowers for the back. poop again.

*I've had no voice going on two days now. Really sucks, cause gLee! is on tonight.

*Working less/more at home now. Trying to transition down to (less)10 hours/week or working totally from home. Wash really has become a 30 hour a day job. I'm very afraid to leave him alone. His short term memory is just so bad he can't remember the stuff he needs to do to live; pills, eating right, showering, shaving, clean clothes etc. He can put together a huge model army still; but ask him a direct question or to do two separate things and his brain injury becomes noticeable.

*I still love him. A lot.

*Enough to make getting him on a trip to DisneyWorld (never been either of us) as my next WashProject.

*Other news? Ok, our microwave broke. And my ***** has not spoken to me in almost 3 weeks.
Apparently I still owe an apology for getting sick (gallbladder exploded. not pleasant) at dinner.
Sigh, whut?
I can't deal with the drama. Frak it. I have myself and Wash to take care of and frankly that's all I can do. I can't 'manage' *****.
But, alas, I live in a crazy '***** has her own reality' life. And one day maybe I will accept the ditching me/pushing me away in my greatest time of need. But right now?
I just have to keep my husband alive.

*also, frak the neo-nazi Pierce and his pos SB1070. Can't move due to Wash. Can't stay due to politics and gross human rights violations.
I'm also way too much on cold pills to try and articulate myself right now. S'about it.

crud

been mostly sick lately. stupid cold.
s'about it for now.

13 to LIFE

Oh, why do families have to be so stupid?

Why am I, at 23, expected to be more mature and 'grown up' than a 60 year old?

Just all sucks.

If I

I spent about 45 mins or so reading back through our first letters and such to each other. All the way from our first date to the first time we both said "I love you."

I remember so much. There was so much good, and light, and love.

And I still have him.

Going to enjoy the warmth he gives me.