I keep trying to find words.
It's hard. I have them in my head, but getting them out... it's hard.
My bed is cold and empty. I've been going back and forth between numbness with disbelief, and broken down sobbing flashes of reality.
I've been hiding lately. Not going out unless I'm pretty much dragged out.
I've been walking and exercising, because I need to, but I just avoid people so much more.
I've been having trouble responding to people, because a part of that means acknowledging that he is gone, and my brain just cannot accept that.
It still tells me he should be downstairs. That I still have time, chances at things.
I see too much death. Too many memories coming to me, un-asked.
I have not yet figured out what kind of "break" I need or can do to help myself.
Sometimes, it feels like my heart will just beat out my chest. I can feel the beats.
I'm not even sure what I mean right now.