Saturday, November 3, 2012

Honestly, I am not doing well today. I have cried so many hours, I've had 2 nosebleeds. I miss my best friend so much. Miss my husband. Ache


  1. It is okay to have these sorts of days, I believe. Days of pure grief when you are mourning and in a way, the mourning will never stop. I think the day it stops is the day we stop loving them and you will never stop loving your husband. Not you. Others may.. those with shallower hearts may but not you.

    I wish I could offer more but I truly believe, having gone through grief of losing someone very dear to my heart to different circumstances, that above all else.. it is okay to grieve no matter what others may say or how hard they may push. I still grieve and it will be 2 years this January.

    I will think of you tonight.. and I hope peace comes to you in wakefulness and dreams if only for a brief respite. It is the least I can offer dear Tashi. Your story breaks my heart every day..

  2. I'm so sorry that you are going through this Tashi. I do understand in some ways what you are feeling because I went through a similar situation.

    My father died from Multiple Myeloma, a form of cancer back in 2009 (he was 61, I was 22). We were very close and it was devastating. Nine weeks before that my maternal grandmother died from the same cancer. We were also very close. So basically we spent nearly five years dealing with the cancer, the treatments, the random tumors, the broken bones (this cancer weakens your bones), the pain, the stress, the constant sleepless nights.

    I know you don't feel this right now, I know I sure as hell didn't back then, but it does honestly get a little easier over time. Yes I realize I didn't lose a spouse, but I did lose someone I was very close to and saw every day of my life.

    Sure there are still the sad days,the tears, the days of wondering "Why did this happen? Why my family? Will the pain ever stop?" Yes, it does ease. Or at least it dulls. It becomes a little more bearable. You find you aren't thinking about it quite so much anymore.

    I still have days where I'm shocked any of this even happened. Days where I wish I could hug my Dad and my grandmother, tell them I love them. Then there are days when someone says something that reminds me of him, or I see something I think he'd like, and I'd laugh. I see a lemon meringue pie and I immediately think of my grandmother because she always made them for me. I see a building being constructed and I think my Dad would love to see this.

    Of course he'll never be forgotten, and yes you may even feel guilty when a day, or even a few hours go by and you aren't thinking about him, but that's ok. You'll get to a place where you can think about him with a smile on your face.

    So there will be good days and there will be bad days, but just know that he loves you, and someday he'll be waiting to greet you when it's time for you to be together again.

  3. Only a wife who loses a husband truly knows what Tashi feels? I am not saying losing a family member of a close friend does not hurt just as bad, but losing your spouse, your soul mate, your best friend, the person you were supposed to grow old with, share your lifes together...god Tashi. Fuck Cancer. Thinking of you. I REALLY know your pain. I'm a little older then you, with a spouse with the same bastard disease. Not brain but lymphatic.

  4. I know things have been getting increasingly tougher for you over the past couple weeks. I wish I could find the words to ease your pain and make everything a little easier for you. Please, if you ever need someone to talk to I am always here. Much love as always *hugs*