Saturday, March 5, 2011

Speeding Particles

Made it to the 'Con. Both of us. Alive.

It was quite a process indeed. So many stops, so much packing, laundry, cleaning, kitties, and of course the repair-person cancelled on us without notice so the poor little furballs are dealing with no air in the house this weekend. We have fans though, and they'll be ok, that's why we have sitters.
I made very good time driving down- less than 90 mins at the start of rush hour. However, that's when things started to go a bit wrong. We hit the city right at rush hour and I was relying on Wash for directions. Since he had maps and written directions from the other half of our group as to where the hotel was, I followed his directions. By this time I am tired. I am hurting from sitting and driving for the day. I need my pills and I can't get to them until we unpacked. And Wash was doing his best to change his story every time he opened his mouth. Left was the same as right. North, South, East, West he didn't know and couldn't tell. 8 miles across the city in jam packed traffic and he says we went the wrong way. Got turned around and lost 4 more times before I finally had enough and just pulled over and cried for a bit.

See, by then it was about 5. Cherie Priest was speaking from 4:30-5:20. I missed her. The one (and really main/only) reason I had to come to this for myself (aside from Wash loving everything about it) was to meet her or at least hear her discuss some of her connected book series. The first, Boneshaker was autographed for Wash by our mutual friend (I think for his, maybe xmas) and Wash loved it so much I decided I had to read it as well. I loved it. So, this past Christmas Wash got me her second novel in the same universe Dreadnought and I was really really wanting to hear about it from her. Or get my copy signed.

I was upset and in quite a horrid mood. My Aspie brain was just overloaded with everything, and it all became too much. I frakkin' bit my own steering wheel I was so frustrated. A lot of it was at Wash who just couldn't seem to grasp that for ME, I had just missed the only thing I was looking forward to. He enjoys it all and can't understand anymore that just because he feels something does not mean every one around him feels much the same way. I yelled and vented.
I guess it has finally been hitting him and starting to really sink in this week just how ... unhelpful, un-Wash-like he has been towards me lately.
He says, "Yes, I've been acting like a spoiled lazy little kid. I don't want that."
He just doesn't know how/remember how to change. His brain had the part that literally controls our overt motivation cut out. He relies on me. Hard and constantly.
I wanted my cats. I wanted my space, a way to just make things "right" which to me is sometimes beyond the ability to verbalize. I got calm again and we set out about 3 more times before we finally, at last, found the hotel. All told it took longer to find the place when we got to the city then it did to drive from Phoenix to Tucson. That's frustrating to me. Wash hasn't driven in months so it's always me, and sometimes... I just don'

Thankfully we were already checked in, had our passes and could just take my stuff to the room and unload. Which I did, and thankfully we have great large rooms/suite.
We spent the evening talking as a group and trying to be in a good mood for us all. Half went off to the late night concert and half (myself included) stayed back in the room. I got about 6 hours of sleep and I woke up feeling better.
Not really optimistic I'd say, but perhaps a bit hopeful at least.

I stayed back this morning; there are some tabling events at the hotel and they went off to the Old Studios where the other half of the 'Con is being held. I have some time to myself, alone, this morning to get back to myself and they get to go and enjoy the fun. We will meet up this afternoon for more fun, and there is a concert and Masque Ball tonight that I do still kind of want to attend.

I am reading and resting. I am thinking. I am trying to laugh.
I hope that is enough to count for something.

1 comment:

  1. Tashi, yesterday, after unfortunately getting turned around and lost, (through no fault of your own, though), I honestly think you did remarkably well in............ "rebounding," you know. You allowed your understandably pent-up emotions simply to release in a good cry; then you essentially "picked yourself up and started all over again." You might not think so, but you are a strong, *STRONG* woman, Tashi Pratt-King!!

    Even *strong* women NEED to have fun, though; so I hope that you & Wash will be able to attend the concert and Masque Ball tonight............ i.e., enjoy yourself............ laugh............ and give yourself permission TO BE IN "another world," Tashi............ if even for a little bit, because you NEED and DESERVE it, you know.