Engineer's Thumb

I ended up getting physically ill late yesterday.

Might have been some bad second-hand news I received late in the day, or maybe some spinach I ate which was not fully washed.

I did not sleep well last night for the most part; a lot of digestive issues and mental ones. I tried sleeping on the couch, and on the little bed in the library. Leto, to his lovely credit was doing his best to cuddle with me and make me feel better all night.
At about 3am I got a little manic and did some very light cleaning in the bedroom, and put down the heavier comforter on the big bed.
I also did a load of laundry.

I finally crashed out in the big bed around 4am, pressed tightly to Wash's pillows on his side of the bed.
It still smells like him, since I have not been able to bring myself to Wash his pillowcases yet, or replace the pillows that hold his scent.
It might be a while before I do that. I'm ok with this; I keep the little bed clean, and my pillowcases on my side.
I slept with no bad dreams the few short hours I was down in our bed. Aelphie was right by my chest, Leto was keeping my feet and legs warm. They both seemed to know I needed both of them.

I woke up for my morning Physical Therapy and felt so awful. After spending almost an hour in the bathroom I threw in the flag and cancelled PT for today.
My mum has been checking in on my throughout today.

Thankfully, I manged to keep some (vegan, non fish) miso soup down this afternoon and then had another long nap in the big bed.
It's easier to sleep in our bed when I can smell him. I miss holding him, as I used to do every night. I miss saying "I love you." and hearing it back every night before I fell asleep. I still tell him, but I don't hear it back anymore.

I tried to be kind to myself today.

5 weeks. Both a lifetime, and a second. Closer to a lifetime.

New Shot

So, after last Saturday and my much needed escape, I'm pretty sure that's when I became sick. By Monday I was feeling something off in my throat and Tuesday I was full on plaguesick.

This week kinda went by in a drug-haze. I think I slept most of Wed and Thursday.

Something nice to come of this though, is the help and services offered by ALTCS. Since Wash was finally put on it in April, and had a case manager and home-health services provider assigned things have been a bit nicer. I spoke to the Hospice SW on Tues and said I was not that well and he suggested getting some help in for the week. I agreed. Wed I spoke to the ALTCS manager who within hours had someone there for Wed evening and a full 6 hour shift set up for this past Thurs and Friday.

It was a gods-send. We had the same lady on Thur and Fri and she played with Wash, helped him with his stuff, made lunch and cleaned up too! Basically all the things I do, while watching him and helping with pills too. I slept quite soundly knowing someone else was able to watch him.

I still am clearing out the last of my illness; I'm hoping I do not have an ear infection now from this cold. But, I can breathe for the most part, I'm no longer going through a box of tissues per day, and I'm able to get some of this crap out of my head. So, better.

I'm thinking though, very seriously about calling up the case manager tomorrow though and asking for some part-time help; twice a week for a few hours is still more respite time than I'm currently getting and I'm finding that having a little "alone" time is very good not just physically, but mentally for me too. I'm reading a little more, I can find a little more enjoyment in things.

I'll have some good things to post tomorrow, but just for a day Wash wants to enjoy something quite wonderful that was done on his behalf.

I am thankful for the friends and support we have.

Free Brick!

Fever day 2.

my voice is mostly gone. not feeling my best.

i called in for help, and thurs and friday a home healthcare worker will be coming over 12-6pm to help watch Wash so I can sleep and rest up.

not strep, but Ii feel awful.

i have had lots of tea made with mint from my garden.