Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wed the Awful

The best way I can describe it is this (Wed) morning when he woke up he did not have his "Wash" personality. He couldn't remember words, names, things, places etc. He knew sort of who I was but he did not really understand that I am his wife. He could speak but was not always making much sense, and he was just NOT aware of what was going on around him.
It broke my heart a little today when I had to tell him that he IS my husband, and this is who he is (was).

He got a little better as the day got on, but his short term memory is just GONE today. I don't know who he will be when he wakes up tomorrow.

I don't know how to tell his family about this, or if I should.
It's like reverse Sundowning for Altzheimers patients. I'm hoping since he got a little better by the end of the day he might be... back... tomorrow.

I did hear from a old friend from HS though who has offered to afternoon/dinner sit Wash once a week until the fall semester starts. It's not much, but for right now I at least know that I should have 2 hours free next week for me.

I think I have cried all the tears from my body.

I'm afraid.
I am so scared. I fear this more than I dread him dying. The cancer is in his brain. Someday he WILL wake up and not remember me. And it won't come back. It's already starting.

I don't want to lose him yet. Not enough time.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope today was an unusually bad day for him, and that tomorrow will be easier. I'm so glad to hear that you're going to have some respite care, though--that is so very, very important to keeping yourself going. You can't do this all by yourself, nobody can. Have you contacted your local hospice group, too? Even if he's not at the point that he needs hospice, they often offer help to people who are going through what you are.