I am really doing my best not to just melt into utter panic and cry over our financial situation.
We were never in a good place to begin with; the small savings we did have was used up when Wash could not work in 09 and then in fall when I couldn't work for a while taking care of him.
I have not had income since the end of April.
He has monthly chemo. And constant medication and needs. And we still have bills to pay. Nothing outrageous. The basics. I even own my own 16 year old SUV. Not a new car or new anything.
It's just so hard to go so long without support. I don't get financial support. I don't get familial support. I don't get emotional support.
How am I supposed to give him a good life, a good end to his life?
Tell me, who among you would like to know that your last days will be spent in your home with no phone, internet, cable tv, new books or music? You have what you own and haven't sold yet a radio and your partner to keep you company.
We don't even do that to men on death row!
But my Wash has to die destitute because I am young, we are poor, he is disabled and dying and since we cannot have a child I won't even be able to get money from SocSec to pay for his funeral.
Is it not enough to be condemned to this life at his age?
I am so mad at life and the world.