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In some moments it hits me like a car going 35 MPH.

I just had a conversation out loud.
With myself.
Because I live alone now.
My husband died. I can talk, but he's not going to answer anymore.

I'm so used to telling him everything.
Now, I'm talking to myself/the cats.

Part of my new "normal".

Leto, being adorable

Had some nightmares again last night, but I was able to control them more.
I woke up feeling better than I have in a while.

Still broke down and sobbed for a bit in the shower this morning.

The cats have been cuddly lately. Super cute. Needy. I'm ok with this, and spoiling them right now. Maybe we all need it.

My friend R* is here from the Pacific North West on work, and then she's spending the weekend with me before she leaves.
We've known each other for years.
She knew Wash.
She's also lost someone close to her to (a different kind) brain cancer.
So, she knows.

Hour by hour, some worse than others, but I just hold on to Hope that somehow it will start to get better, at some point.
I still Hope it will.