Glass Bone Woman?

Left foot has torn ligaments by my ankle, and a sprained ankle. This alone is 6 weeks of bed/foot rest. Waiting on the X-ray results to see if it is broken as well; from the exam I could have upwards of two breaks in the long tarsals and 1-3 toes might be broken as well.

Let's see;
*Very high intelligence/ Genius
*Picked on /few friends growing up
*Knowledgeable on several subjects, including outbreak/virii paterns
*Had the love of my life, and soulmate die a young, horrid death
*Health issues/ radiation exposure

I just need a crap-ton of money and I'd be a villain right out of a graphic novel!

[or, that is the pain meds talking. who knows?]

Really? Really??!

Full disclosure, I am on pain meds writing this.

So, Fri after services, I was walking to the Pharm that is near the Synagogue and my house. With some awesome friends.
I'm walking down a curb, and my old-ass shoes that literally have the entire treads worn down/through slips. My left foot falls about 4" and I land on it and roll my ankle. I did not fall down though, like I had when I broke my right foot.

So, I was hobbling to the CVS less than a block away at that point, and by the time I got inside was feeling VERY hot.
Next thing I know, my friend is calling my name and I'm on the floor. The adrenaline wore off and the pain made me faint.
Managed to get home and spend the weekend on bedrest, icing my foot.

My doctor knows about it, and I am beyond thankful my nurse was helpful and sympathetic. I still cannot believe this happened again.

I have a full set x-ray of my foot, toes, and ankle area to be done tomorrow. Then, I go from there.

I also know what to look out for if it get worse and I have to go to an ER. I am hoping it will not get to that.

Either way, I already do not have funds to pay for rent, or electricity for this month (due on the 5th) and now I'm adding more medical bills I have no way to pay for on top.
I literally do not even have a credit card to my name to "float" myself for this.

I am worse than screwed in so many ways if I do end up needing surgery. As it stands, looking for work while (best case) I'm in (and WHEN) a walking-cast is going to be even worse than it already is with my 3 year *non-paid* employment gap.
Arizona being a "Right To Work" state and all. And hating sick people, or people who may or do need insurance. Or hating women, and even more so women who want to work.  (Maybe not all of AZ, but certainly the vast majority who is in charge)


I wish this was a great joke being played on me. It's not.


Little acts of kindness I am thankful for:
*My friends coming from another state to visit, even if it had to be cut short
*My friends who are willing to drive me as I don't have a car, or working feet
*My friends who bought me groceries so I could eat this week
*My friends who bought cat-food so the kitties can eat
*My friends who donated a CVS card to me so I could cover the cost of a few needed prescriptions
*My friends who love me unconditionally
*My friends who like spending time with me, and do it. 
*My friends who make me laugh. Who also make me feel safe, if just for a moment.

*Memories of how much my husband loved me and would care for me, attend to me, and love me when I was ill


Without the Hope of something, what is there to hold on to?

Best case, I have complete bedrest this weekend.

Worst case; I broke my right foot again last night/a few hours ago.

I'm not certain if my doc has someone to run the X-Ray machine on the weekend. So, I might have to hold out til Mon. Or, get someone to take me to St. Joes downtown to their ER, rather than spending two days in the waiting room of Tempe St Lukes.

Yeah. I know.


I'll have to talk to my doctor regardless about my bone density.

Everyday there is a new terrible hit to my horrid financial situation.
And I should be easing my stress, not increasing it.
So, shit.

Good not-broken bone thoughts please?

Breaking Silence

I feel a need for honesty; though my friends know with me that is never really a problem.

Yesterday my husband's family had a memorial service in his name.
I did not attend.
Technically yes, I was invited; when my mail/invitation came Saturday AFTER the service in a different State was over.

I am Wash's next of kin, and his executor. I am his widow.
I heard him every day for 3 years describe in great detail his ideal Memorial Service.
I am working hard to make that happen for him on December 8, 2012, again, in the Winter, as he requested before his death.

I am truly sorry to those who may have been deceived by others, but he did want and had Willed me to take control of the details.

The love of my life, my soulmate, my husband died less than 6 weeks ago.

Please keep it civil. I will be moderating comments on this post.

Wash had asked me not to write about his parents' or his issues with them until after his death.

I complied. 

So close

Here's to hoping it's not broken!

Wash tripped/ lost his balance and knocked his foot against one of our floor fans.

He did not think it was hurt too bad when he went to bed last night, but this morning it is purple and very very swollen and so far even with meds, still painful.

I called Hospice and am following their nurses' advice for him, but depending on the next few hours, he might have to go down to the ER for an X-Ray to confirm if it is or is not broken.

God-damned Cancer.

It would be a very small thing to a healthy person, but ultimately, Wash is not "healthy". So, we will wait, be in contact with Hospice, and just hope very hard he sprained it not broke bones.