Thursday, August 21, 2014

Numb

3 weeks to the Deathaversary.

I may have to take a big social and media break. I am just having too many flashbacks and hard emotions and PTSD symptoms coming and flaring up.

My Ga├»us-Wash has been around more. I hear his voice and smell him when I wake. 
I am just trying to fake being normal right now and hide the pain that is making me seek whatever numbness I can find.

I need to update this site.
I need to see less photos of him, and more. I want to hear the stories of him from friends, even the ones I have heard before.
I need to know he is not forgotten. 


I need to have myself accept truly, he is for the ages now. He belongs to time and the universe, to no mortal being. 
He is both mine, and not. 

He is Stardust.

I cannot say "goodbye".
Allons-Y, Wash. 
Allons-Y, my Time Lord.

2 comments:

  1. I just want to say that I still check this site every few weeks, hoping you're doing ok. We never met- but I was the one who sent you the Castle DVD with the Captain Mal episode.

    I'm glad your job helps. I hope that you find happiness again.

    Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm here, Tashi, though I haven't posted in quite a while. Every time I start to type, the sentiments that fall from my fingers are all the things you have no doubt heard so many times that they don't even sound like words anymore... and I find myself unwilling to hand cliches to a woman who hasn't spent much time playing by them, in her marriage or in any other aspect of her life. But I would remind you today that while Wash may indeed by Stardust, he is by NO means forgotten... and neither are you. Stay strong, Love.

    ReplyDelete