Thursday, October 25, 2012


Redbox is giving me a free rental tomorrow.
Going to see Cloud/Atlas with my mum.
Eating dinner with my family at my favourite Mexican food restaurant.
Going bowling after.
Birthday pie.

I am going to try to enjoy it.

In truth, I am struggling a lot with stopping my brain from just constantly re-living the 25th, 26th, 27th of October 2009. When we found the tumor. When my life changed completely, and my world stopped on its axis.
When my future and dreams were stripped away by a connected group of rogue cells 9cmx5cmx3cm.

Tomorrow will be my first birthday as a Widow. My first birthday without my husband.

Today is even one minute at a time.

I have some great friends who sent me a LEGO set and Fringe. 

If anyone is wanting to send me a little "birthday" something, I do have a amazon wishlist, or the Fundly Site is still running for another two weeks. I do still need to figure out some monetary needs for his memorial service, and to cover back the cost of his body removal/cremation. Not surprisingly, his family did not help with that. Thankfully, we found a place to take care of it as "cost" so it was only a bit over $600... but as I still have not even received my $225.00 "funeral" settlement from Social Security...  there are stresses. 

Now is not the time to talk about those issues though. That just leads me to a place of hurt, anger, and betrayal. 

I've been painting a bit more, trying to take a walk each day, get myself out of the house and bed.

I'm starting to forget what he smelled like. 



    Watch this, first off:

    I wish Wash were here with you on your special day, but remember that he is ALWAYS with you. Life and marriage can be hard and sad, but they are also the most beautiful and fragile things in the universe. The fact that you kept your marriage so solid while his life was so difficult is a testament to your strength as a person. Today is the day to celebrate that person. I hope that you do/did, in whatever way you are/were able. Here's a quote from Melody Pond to remind you that you never know what the next birthday might bring. Keep your head up <3

    "River Song: It's my birthday. The Doctor took me ice skating on the River Thames in 1814. The last of the great frost fairs. He got Stevie Wonder to sing for me under London Bridge.
    Rory: Stevie Wonder sang in 1814?
    River Song: Yes, he did! But you must never tell him.
    Rory: I've come from the Doctor too.
    River Song: Yes, but at a different point in time.
    Rory: Unless there's two of them.
    River Song: No, that's a whole different birthday."

  2. I wish I could give you a hug. Don't ever forget!

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