The largest appreciation

Last day the fundly donation site is open. 
I still have so many medical bills from Kevin, and so many more of my own from my broken bones last year and my own health issues. 
If you can donate anything, it helps. 
If you can share the link and our story, it helps. 
If you can give prayers or good thoughts, it helps.

I'll be filing for bankruptcy due to medical bills this year. Again, anything my caring friends, family, or those touched by the story of AZ driving a young widow into utter poverty can do; it all helps. 

Thank you all so much. 
I was Wash's (Kevin's) caregiver for more than 3 years.
Now the people who care and love me are helping to give care to me, so I can continue on with my life. 

My husband did not survive against brain cancer; but with the love, help, social, emotional, religious, and other support from my circle I can survive this next part of my life as a Widow.

Really? Really??!

Full disclosure, I am on pain meds writing this.

So, Fri after services, I was walking to the Pharm that is near the Synagogue and my house. With some awesome friends.
I'm walking down a curb, and my old-ass shoes that literally have the entire treads worn down/through slips. My left foot falls about 4" and I land on it and roll my ankle. I did not fall down though, like I had when I broke my right foot.

So, I was hobbling to the CVS less than a block away at that point, and by the time I got inside was feeling VERY hot.
Next thing I know, my friend is calling my name and I'm on the floor. The adrenaline wore off and the pain made me faint.
Managed to get home and spend the weekend on bedrest, icing my foot.

My doctor knows about it, and I am beyond thankful my nurse was helpful and sympathetic. I still cannot believe this happened again.

I have a full set x-ray of my foot, toes, and ankle area to be done tomorrow. Then, I go from there.

I also know what to look out for if it get worse and I have to go to an ER. I am hoping it will not get to that.

Either way, I already do not have funds to pay for rent, or electricity for this month (due on the 5th) and now I'm adding more medical bills I have no way to pay for on top.
I literally do not even have a credit card to my name to "float" myself for this.

I am worse than screwed in so many ways if I do end up needing surgery. As it stands, looking for work while (best case) I'm in (and WHEN) a walking-cast is going to be even worse than it already is with my 3 year *non-paid* employment gap.
Arizona being a "Right To Work" state and all. And hating sick people, or people who may or do need insurance. Or hating women, and even more so women who want to work.  (Maybe not all of AZ, but certainly the vast majority who is in charge)


I wish this was a great joke being played on me. It's not.


Little acts of kindness I am thankful for:
*My friends coming from another state to visit, even if it had to be cut short
*My friends who are willing to drive me as I don't have a car, or working feet
*My friends who bought me groceries so I could eat this week
*My friends who bought cat-food so the kitties can eat
*My friends who donated a CVS card to me so I could cover the cost of a few needed prescriptions
*My friends who love me unconditionally
*My friends who like spending time with me, and do it. 
*My friends who make me laugh. Who also make me feel safe, if just for a moment.

*Memories of how much my husband loved me and would care for me, attend to me, and love me when I was ill


Without the Hope of something, what is there to hold on to?

Best case, I have complete bedrest this weekend.

Worst case; I broke my right foot again last night/a few hours ago.

I'm not certain if my doc has someone to run the X-Ray machine on the weekend. So, I might have to hold out til Mon. Or, get someone to take me to St. Joes downtown to their ER, rather than spending two days in the waiting room of Tempe St Lukes.

Yeah. I know.


I'll have to talk to my doctor regardless about my bone density.

Everyday there is a new terrible hit to my horrid financial situation.
And I should be easing my stress, not increasing it.
So, shit.

Good not-broken bone thoughts please?

Sponsors

I have not been able to work.

I'm trying to get some proper help, trying to find any odds-and-ends type of jobs I can do (like a bit of dog-walking) and competing against a world where I don't know what to say about my 3 year (paid) employment gap.

I'm making some good progress in my own self to be ready to move/let go of the only "home" I ever had with my husband, and all the memories I have here, ideally around fall or before winter.

But right now I need help.

I need help to pay my rent. ($700)
I need help to pay for my (NOT Smartphone- I have a flip phone and it can't surf the web) mobile. ($68)
I need help to keep my internet on, so I can have access to resources to keep my mental health from getting worse, to look for jobs I can do, to stay connected now to really anyone.
With my extrovert husband being dead and all, (maybe another reason?) I don't really have people/friends/family coming by to visit, or socialize with me.
I need help to keep my electricity and air conditioning on. It's getting to the 90s locally now, and will get hotter very fast, and right now I can barely afford to pay for 2 hours of running the A/C per day.
I need help to pay for my medications, and co-pays. Even my lowest Co-Pay of $4 adds up fast when
there are 5-10 scripts I fill each month. (Depending on my asthma, my mental health, if I have broken any bones say...)

I know it's hard times for everyone right now.
Most tax returns have already been spent.
I'm still waiting on the official total, but for me personally, with the debt from my own medical issues; and of course, with Wash's, all my Fed "return" (which is less than $100) goes right back.
Without me working, and with getting just a bit over $7K total from SSD for Wash, I somehow STILL owe the State of Arizona money too.

I owe everyone.
But, I would really like to NOT be evicted. I'd like to be able to part from this house/home on my own terms, since so little else has been under my control.

I need help.

If you can, please donate. The Fundly site is running to the end of this month, and the PayPal account set up by Wash's Fraternity is still open.
If you don't have anything to spare but a good wish or prayer for me, I appreciate even that.

Share my story.
Ask WHY it is ok for the State of Arizona to leave me stuck, with no services.


I am doing my hardest to try, but I lost so much more than just Wash when he died.

Where's Mousey?

You don't scare me.

I woke up yesterday at 9am. I worked, really worked, the whole day.

I watched my husband forget when he was, where he was, and parts of who he was.

I regularly stay awake for 20 hour shifts out of a 24 hour day.

I am watching my 27 year old husband die, and die from a disease that takes away who he is, what he loves, and his memories before it begins to take away his physical being. Which it has started.

So, you, Mr Debt Collector?

When you call at 8:23am, after I've been asleep for perhaps 3 hours?

No, I'm not compassionate this morning. I'm not kind. Cancer is not kind.

I'm going to honestly tell you, you will get nothing.

We have no money. We have no income.

Wash will never ever be able to work again in his life to pay off his medical debt.

We owe the State, the Hospital, and the Federal Government well over $1,000,000.00 already for his care. Really, we hit $750,000.00 before he was even discharged from the hospital. It might be close to 2 million dollars now from his years of care and treatment.

I'm 25. My credit is already trashed. I did not graduate before my husband became terminally ill.

I got to see that $1 million dollars of care cannot put a broken person back to "whole".

I saw a 8cm tumor take over my husband.

Mr Debt Collector? You don't scare me one little bit.

I can pay you in tears or perhaps blood.

But money? What's money to Cancer?

You are far, far, far less scary to look in the face than a diagnosis of Glioblastoma Multiforme.