Really? Really??!

Full disclosure, I am on pain meds writing this.

So, Fri after services, I was walking to the Pharm that is near the Synagogue and my house. With some awesome friends.
I'm walking down a curb, and my old-ass shoes that literally have the entire treads worn down/through slips. My left foot falls about 4" and I land on it and roll my ankle. I did not fall down though, like I had when I broke my right foot.

So, I was hobbling to the CVS less than a block away at that point, and by the time I got inside was feeling VERY hot.
Next thing I know, my friend is calling my name and I'm on the floor. The adrenaline wore off and the pain made me faint.
Managed to get home and spend the weekend on bedrest, icing my foot.

My doctor knows about it, and I am beyond thankful my nurse was helpful and sympathetic. I still cannot believe this happened again.

I have a full set x-ray of my foot, toes, and ankle area to be done tomorrow. Then, I go from there.

I also know what to look out for if it get worse and I have to go to an ER. I am hoping it will not get to that.

Either way, I already do not have funds to pay for rent, or electricity for this month (due on the 5th) and now I'm adding more medical bills I have no way to pay for on top.
I literally do not even have a credit card to my name to "float" myself for this.

I am worse than screwed in so many ways if I do end up needing surgery. As it stands, looking for work while (best case) I'm in (and WHEN) a walking-cast is going to be even worse than it already is with my 3 year *non-paid* employment gap.
Arizona being a "Right To Work" state and all. And hating sick people, or people who may or do need insurance. Or hating women, and even more so women who want to work.  (Maybe not all of AZ, but certainly the vast majority who is in charge)


I wish this was a great joke being played on me. It's not.


Little acts of kindness I am thankful for:
*My friends coming from another state to visit, even if it had to be cut short
*My friends who are willing to drive me as I don't have a car, or working feet
*My friends who bought me groceries so I could eat this week
*My friends who bought cat-food so the kitties can eat
*My friends who donated a CVS card to me so I could cover the cost of a few needed prescriptions
*My friends who love me unconditionally
*My friends who like spending time with me, and do it. 
*My friends who make me laugh. Who also make me feel safe, if just for a moment.

*Memories of how much my husband loved me and would care for me, attend to me, and love me when I was ill


Without the Hope of something, what is there to hold on to?

Best case, I have complete bedrest this weekend.

Worst case; I broke my right foot again last night/a few hours ago.

I'm not certain if my doc has someone to run the X-Ray machine on the weekend. So, I might have to hold out til Mon. Or, get someone to take me to St. Joes downtown to their ER, rather than spending two days in the waiting room of Tempe St Lukes.

Yeah. I know.


I'll have to talk to my doctor regardless about my bone density.

Everyday there is a new terrible hit to my horrid financial situation.
And I should be easing my stress, not increasing it.
So, shit.

Good not-broken bone thoughts please?

Mostly Eidetic

As today is Autism Awareness day, I'm "out" as an Adult with Asperger Syndrome, diagnosed in 2006.

Wash is having a SLOW day mentally, he is calm, but can really just watch things today, he's not that responsive.

I'm open to anyone who wants to (respectfully) ask me questions about living with AS as an adult, and as a caregiver. It certainly adds in challenges.