A good night

Drinking wine?
That's a Sedar.
Sharing the Story of the Exodus and the Chosen People's freedom from bondage?
That's a Sedar.
Eating way too much wonderful food?
That's a Sedar.
Getting home at midnight, after inviting Elijah in?
Oh, you better believe that's a Sedar.




With my usual Jewish family members travelling or working right now, I went over to Chabad this week for Passover. 
I am glad I did. 

It feels good to come home - if not happy, then at the very least, with more Hope than I have had in the past few days. 
The company around me tonight certainly helped as well. I am ever thankful for my friends. For (even a little) local support. 

Pinata

Well, we have internet and cable back on at home now, hurrah! Wash has entertainment again- honestly I don't understand it but he says he's tired of watching "Hot Fuzz" and "The Big Lebowski" with me this week. I put on a new commentary each time! (Thank you for the movies on Blu-Ray, for both of us they are a nice transportation away from real life)

Wash has had about 4 new meds added this week; I've been spending a lot more time watching him and dealing with the short term side effects. I've wanted to write and it's frustrating that my own personal time has shrunk back to none this week. Wash just needs so much care and attention right now, and we (us and our SW) still have not heard back from the insurance about Wash's ALTECS care. (Who pay/cover respite care and such so I can do the things that need to be done outside of the house etc) It's frustrating.

The good (ish) news is that being treated like this, ignored on a human level, it fills me. It stokes a fiery place in my heart that fills for Justice and Righteousness. It makes me feel like there might be a purpose for me in the world after all; I don't think I am ever going to go back to finish my degree in Forensic Anthropology; Oesteology. Every skull is my husbands'. Every face I have to glue back together is his. It's fucked with me too much.

I don't think medicine is my thing. Taking care of my husband is different; it's necessary. I have never wanted to work with/on living patients, I still don't. I admire like hell the people who do- so far all but one person on my husband's team in the last two plus years has been a godssend. They have been kind, concerned, caring, and dedicated. His nurses, his technicians, his pharmacy group, his doctors- from his Primary to his Oncologist. They show over and over how he is a person, not a disease. If you are involved in the medical field, we might not always say it, but for everything you do for us patients, Thank You.

For me, I feel like I am becoming more of an - activist. Someone who speaks for those who cannot. Someone who works to change public opinion and policy. Someone who can work inside and with the law to change it if needed.

I can try to be a Poverty Interrupter.

A Healthcare Activist.

A spokeswoman for Human Rights.

I'm feeling more Hope for myself when his end comes. I'm starting to be able to be in a place mentally to allow myself to think about the real future; the one without him, where I am still alive. The one where I'm a widow, but I'm living. It's hard and so gorram painful to think, but for the first time since we were told in 2009 he was dying, I can think about what might happen to me after he does.

I want to be the change. I want to help make sure no one else so young like us has to face this. I want to move the country away from having to have thoughts like, "Pay for Food or Medicine?"

My garden continues to come along well. The flowers have all settled in since transplant and the bulbs have almost all come up too. The scent is so lovely. The peas and beans continue to grow by inches every day and I'm harvesting a cherry tomato or three about twice a week. The garlic grows, the rosemary thrives, and the carrots are coming in too.

I decided to treat myself and instead of putting a few dollars away for something I need (I do that all the time. Too much really, but I always put Wash ahead now) that I would grab what I spotted on clearance at Target and got some solar powered string lights for the backyard. We have 12 solar stake lights around the back and garden currently, but nothing to give depth to the fence/border of the back. I'm honestly quite excited and happy with it- the design is pretty and I like making the back into a real happy and comfortable space for us to spend time in. The weather will not hold out more than maybe 2, 3 more months so I have to make the most.

I will lastly just relate our story of being good humans and neighbours; we wanted to go for a walk to the post office yesterday and discovered left on the sidewalk by our yard/Church parking lot was a baggie left with pills. Also a few half drunk Bud Light bottles. We called the local police - it was next to a Church and across from a house with a lot of small children living there- the pills needed to be taken or disposed properly. It only took about 15 mins to have an officer come out and he did a field test on the pills (3 different kinds, about 6 pills and one crushed one) and to everyone's shock- they were all blood pressure control pills! 3 different scripts, but all for blood pressure. How odd! Wash says he wants to write a short story about the pills or something, as it is just so... odd. I guess in this instance someone did really lose their pills!

The officer took them to be destroyed back at the station and we went on with our walk, less fearful for the safety of the local kids now.

Never really a "boring" day here, something always happens.

As someone directly effected by cancer of course I have thoughts on the whole Susan G Komen shitpuddle. But, my friend Lara who lost her mother to breast cancer, and has been fighting it herself has much more weight and connection to this than I. I will ask that if you want another voice on the direct negative impact SGK has caused this week by denouncing Planned Parenthood and ending funding, please hear her voice.

http://getupswinging.blogspot.com/2012/02/race-for-agenda.html

The good, bad, and great

This will be a short update as it is late, has been a LONG day and I just can't type that much, my wrist has been hurt a bit. More details and photos to come for everything.

The good; Wash's parents and brother came in for Christmas and it was a really pleasant trip. He only had one night of sleepwalking since they have been here and has managed to stay on top of his naps and meds, despite the distractions. He got to spend some good time alone with them, and we all spent some nice time as an extended family doing Christmas and Hanukkah stuff. We did some small gift exchanges and spent time catching up and even getting my backyard and garden sorted out. It was an encouraging trip and I know Wash really enjoyed the time. I know he has been missing his parents and also been really wanting to see his brother, so it was so good for everyone.

The bad; I made a mistake past Friday and went driving without proper ID. We were stopped and I was handcuffed and detained by the police for about an hour. I was only cited for one thing but they towed my car since I did not have proper documents to drive. So my car is in impound. I'll go into details later; I was sober, it was 3 blocks from home, no one was hurt, I was not arrested. I made the mistake to drive the few streets without my purse that night, though I do have very strong negative feelings about being handcuffed as I was not posing any threat or hiding my identification at all, I just did not have the "proper/acceptable" form. I'm going to court tomorrow and with luck will have my car back. This will cost me.

Speaking of cost, also part of the bad got the/Wash's MediCare statement for Sept-Nov. We owe about $550 in costs for doctor visits for him. That's the uninsured part. It's still shocking to me that these are the costs when he is not even on active chemo. These are his mostly "healthy" costs. I've been talking with my mum, I think when he goes on full time Hospice help I'll have no other choice but bankruptcy. Adult pants.

The great; So my In-Laws helped to spend a couple hours in the backyard cleaning and clearing away the crap and making it tidy again. They helped to transport some new plants I bought with my birthday money (Home Depot gift cards, my friends know me) and then I spent more than 3 hours working and planting and transplanting and moving the garden around. There are a bunch of flowers now- I even spotted a hummingbird today! I put in a few more vegetables and seeds, and bulbs, as well as bought a large mature tomato to replace my 3 year old one (destroyed). I also invested again in jasmine and gardenia bushes. The small porch has been cleared and soon we will have our little chairs out to sit and enjoy. I also put in the solar lights I got for my birthday from my mum around, and it looks amazing at night. I cannot wait until the spring.

The other good part, to which I also have photos is that we got some WONDERFUL holiday cheer from www.thinkgeek.com today. Apparently some of the "worker monkeys" read my blog here and know how HUGE geeks Wash and I are (as if his name did not give it away). (Hi friends! You guys rock!) and wanted to do something for us- they did "something" alright.

We got so many wonderful geeky things! New shirts! Chromosome towels! Adipose toys! Mad Scientist building blocks! Toys for my nephew! (he is going to LOVE his food-heavy machines and the jet plane bib, his dad is a pilot) We're going to give the Neuron Plushie to Wash's neurologist when we see her in about 2 weeks. (I bet she will laugh, she has such a sense of humor) I am keeping the Ebola plushie, I frakking admire filovirii, plus it's cute. They also gave us the Blue Sun 'travel' poster SET, which I cannot gorram wait to frame and put up. Nathan Fillion's giant head in our Serenity poster should be jealous. They also sent a treat for the furry legged ones in this house; a 'Cats Attack! Cityscape scratching post. I will have to get a video of Leto attacking it.

We love www.thinkgeek.com and have for years. I've been treating myself and my (step)dad to their toys for years. It's a great company and now I am even more so convinced. Geeks are a special breed and I truly love and admire how they (we) come together as a community. Our season would have been a lot less jolly without their intervention. I cannot even fully articulate yet just how thankful I am to them for this - the gifts and the moments it gave us. These are two happy and so thankful Browncoats.

So, more details and photos to come, but there's the last few days for us. I hope all my Dear Readers have had a safe holiday season, regardless of family, distance, or geekery.