Monday, September 16, 2013

Unknown Emergency

Well, I am quite fucked. 
I have $1200.00 in rent (overdue) and all city and state services cannot help me. The local church and Salvation Army services cannot help me.
I have $132.00 of utilities overdue for this month, and having electricity to keep my fridge running and the AC set to 86F because it is still in the 110sF is also kind of needed.
I have no idea how much longer my Internet will stay on as that is overdue too.
I have been looking for work. Anything. 
I have $2.75 to my name right now. I can't even afford a single ride bus ticket.
I am hoping to hear back on some interviews this week, but I am getting quite depressed about it.

Because Wash is dead and I have no children there seems to be no desire on the State or Federal levels to help me. My family has done all they can/are willing to do.
I have put off seeing the doctor for medication and asthma check up because I cannot afford the $5 co-pay they have set for me.

I have sold things, and I don't have much of anything of value left to sell.

I never got Wash's $200 some odd dollar "death benefits" from Social Security that next of kin is supposed to get. When my grandmother died it took about 6 months for my mum to get the money. It's been 12 months for me.

I have no place to go. No where to take my cats. I am not strong enough emotionally yet to leave this house. Soon, but not *now*.

I don't qualify for unemployment but the State wants to see copies of Wash's death and copies of his medical files anyway to back up that I "chose" to leave my paying work in 2010. Which, I did, but since the State then had tried more than once to cancel his health insurance if I kept working-and making around $400/month at the time (not enough to cover living, and chemo, and food) it was not really a "choice". It was become poverty stricken and get medical help for him, or let him die from cancer right then.

I really don't know what to do.
I don't know who to ask for help anymore. 

There was no life insurance to take care of me. There were no benefits to help me get through my desire to die after he was gone. Those feelings are certainly surfacing again.

At this time, I am feeling pretty hopeless.

I will be filing for bankruptcy soon, but even that will not help me now.

Aside from my cats, I have lost everything. 
Despair is a pretty accurate word.

So often now I just wonder if it would not have been better if I had been allowed to die with him. 
I wish.

16 comments:

  1. I have a few contacts in Tempe. Let me ask around and see if anyone is looking for help. What kind of work would you be interested in?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anything. I don't have a food handler's card anymore, so can't do food service here, but anything else.
      Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Hmn. Okay. If you're cool with the newly human, there are several Kumon Math and Reading Centers in the area, and would have spaces for preschool tutors (counting and spelling) or data-entry. The Banana Republic at the mall is always looking for cashiers, salespeople, or night stockers. I used to manage one and I can write you a reference. If you have a BA or BS, Kyrene school district is looking for subs, especially ones that will be willing to work with the special ed classrooms. There's nothing up right now, but I'll keep an eye on ASU's job page - the parking department normally tries to beef up there meter maid army after school starts, I could put in a word for you there.

      Let me know if any of these would work.

      Delete
    3. Yes. Can you shoot me an email?
      redforensicgirl [at] yahoo.

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Hang in there, sweetie. You can do this--don't give up hope! Thoughts, prayers, and good vibes coming your way!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Tashi,

    My sister follows this blog and told me about it today. I sent 20 dollars -- but I used the Paypal "donate" button rather than the GoFundMe because I didn't see it. Please tell me you'll be able to get it?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tashi, have you looked at this?

    http://www.mycommunitypt.com/arizona/?option=com_cpx&task=resource&id=426114

    Also, it might be worthwhile to call your hospice bereavement coordinator. They are required to provide bereavement services for 13 months... And it may be possible for them to refer you to other sources of help. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully my Hospice team is still active and they are trying to get permission to give me a little extra help consider the circumstances.

      Delete
  6. Is the paypal button on this page working? I would be interested in donating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The PayPal should still be working, and the gofundme account is also set up for me.
      Thank you.

      Delete
  7. I sent some money to the PayPal, as I didn't see the gofundme thing until after I sent.

    ReplyDelete
  8. You should try Modest Needs as well https://www.modestneeds.org/for-applicants/. They provide one-time grants to people needing help and you would certainly qualify. Best of luck.

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