Monday, January 14, 2013
Another bad night for me.
Adjusting to Widowhood is not easy. For every reason.
I am sad and missing my husband, my late husband, very much.
I will not be shamed about my choice to be more open and public with my grief.
It is far too stigmatized and misunderstood as is, despite almost all the human population feeling it at some point in their life, or several.
Did I laugh today? Yes.
Am I still sad to be going to bed alone tonight, without the person who should be there? Yes.
Grief is complicated, and unique to every person.
This is mine.
I went grocery shopping today.
I cleaned. Did dishes. Took care of laundry and my cats.
I also spent a half hour sobbing on my kitchen floor. Later on, more tears with a pillow.
There have been more functional days, and days where I've started to have more intense emotions, often overwhelming.
It is a mix every time I wake if I think I'm still dreaming, or if I recall right away that he is gone.
He is my husband. He was my late husband.
Such difference in emotion in those phrases, what information it conveys.
I see time like I never have before.